Becoming a mother gave me an enormous boost of confidence, as if being entrusted with the life of an entire human person was the best promotion I could have ever asked for. And it was.
Raising kids is such an important job and you describe it beautifully. As Scripture says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)
I ❤️ this. My 15 yo son sounds so similar to yours. Tender hearted and determined. The joy of my life along with his sister, who’s about to go off to college 😩. My proudest accomplishment(s). “The days are long but the years are short”...
My theory is that you don't need to do anything particularly special to have tender and determined kids. Basic works just fine! Of course plenty can and does go wrong, people fall out with each other, etc, but trying to pack perfection into child-rearing is a fool's errand.
I'm at the "...and then let them go" moment. It's been much more difficult than I predicted. My son developed a significant health problem just as he left for college, so I am stuck in a strange state: i need to help him navigate the health care that he needs while also letting him take on the responsibility for it. We are getting through it, but it challenges me and frustrates me and makes me proud when he progresses and I manage to not over-parent.
I grew up not thinking I would ever have children, but it's my greatest accomplishment. Your ode to motherhood is beautiful. "It brings me peace. It grounds me in the moment and it reminds me of the purpose of my life, which is to shepherd this small human into adulthood, and then let him go."
Beautiful, Jenny! I had tears in my eyes. A great relationship with your child/children is a gift! Personally, I never planned to have kids and thought I'd be a hopeless mum. I got a lot of pressure/questions from relatives and friends, especially once I got married, but I was not going to bring a child into this world unless I was 100% about it. When I finally got the urge (not until my thirties!) it was so powerful that I knew that I was more than ready. I eventually had three. Without a doubt having kids has been the best decision I have ever made and definitely the most fulfilling and meaningful. They are teens/young adults now but they still hug me every day (including my son! He's also very tender, as your son is) Another blessing for me is that all three of them are extremely close to each other. I'm so grateful for that.
“How can a child grow up to be an emotionally competent person if their mother never let her true feelings show?”
There’s this series of early reader books I love called “Oliver and Amanda Pig.” Oliver and Amanda are two little pig children, about a year apart. Their dad works at some unspecified job and their mom stays home with them, and part of the reason I love these books is that the mom (who has much more page time than the dad) has such realistic feelings.
The kids, trying to help hang up laundry to dry, drop it in the mud and frustrate her. So she climbs into their tree fort and says she’s going to have time to herself while they make mud pies. They ask her three different times if she’s done having time to herself, and are told twice that no, she’s not. In another book, Grandmother Pig watches the children so their mother can have a day out of the house by herself.
Mother Pig takes several pages getting Oliver and Amanda dressed to go out in the snow, leaves for a moment to get her hat and coat, and comes back to find that they’ve taken off all the snow clothes. “We got too hot.” She starts crying for a moment, is comforted by her children, and recovers. When Amanda breaks her mother’s favorite lamp and yells, “I don’t care!”, her mother yells back, “Well, I do!” The author based Oliver and Amanda on her own children, and I assume Mother Pig is based on herself.
Your son sounds like a great kid. Queen of the multiverse - I love it. 😁
Thank you so much for this Jenny, it is really extra special and sweet. My precious daughter just turned 13 and this essay reminds me of all the little things about being her mom that I am so grateful for. Like your son, my daughter grounded me and gave me a crystal clear purpose that I had not previously known. Since she was born, when I was 42 years old, I have so enjoyed all the simple domestic tasks of motherhood and all the kid life routines that are part of it. I work as a maternity nurse in the hospital where she was born. I swear, almost every time I walk into the operating room where she was born, I still get a rush of what it felt like when I first saw her adorable face.
He is so lucky to have you for his mother, and you are so lucky to have a boy who is intelligent and normal, and appears destined to grow up to be a good man. It's corny and embarrassing to admit, but my eyes are welling with tears after reading your essay this week. Tears of happiness not only for you, but for the reminder that there still are people in the world I can admire and have hope for.
Loved this, Jenny. I think you’ve grabbed a hold of something deeply profound, maybe most profound of all. Giving up your life for another. Long live procreation. Long live giving our lives for another. To discover, after all, life.
Yes! That's exactly it -- they are always going through phases and almost nothing is permanent. I also strongly agree that you should allow them to see your limitations and/or imperfections, balanced by a sense that you remain in charge.
Raising kids is such an important job and you describe it beautifully. As Scripture says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)
Thank you Susan.
I ❤️ this. My 15 yo son sounds so similar to yours. Tender hearted and determined. The joy of my life along with his sister, who’s about to go off to college 😩. My proudest accomplishment(s). “The days are long but the years are short”...
My theory is that you don't need to do anything particularly special to have tender and determined kids. Basic works just fine! Of course plenty can and does go wrong, people fall out with each other, etc, but trying to pack perfection into child-rearing is a fool's errand.
We do wish you luck. What a delightful meditation on motherhood. Thank you.
Thank you!
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us.
Beaut. Absolutely beaut.
Thank you!
Wonderful writing as always, thankyou. Looks like you've done a great job.
I'm at the "...and then let them go" moment. It's been much more difficult than I predicted. My son developed a significant health problem just as he left for college, so I am stuck in a strange state: i need to help him navigate the health care that he needs while also letting him take on the responsibility for it. We are getting through it, but it challenges me and frustrates me and makes me proud when he progresses and I manage to not over-parent.
I grew up not thinking I would ever have children, but it's my greatest accomplishment. Your ode to motherhood is beautiful. "It brings me peace. It grounds me in the moment and it reminds me of the purpose of my life, which is to shepherd this small human into adulthood, and then let him go."
Beautiful, Jenny! I had tears in my eyes. A great relationship with your child/children is a gift! Personally, I never planned to have kids and thought I'd be a hopeless mum. I got a lot of pressure/questions from relatives and friends, especially once I got married, but I was not going to bring a child into this world unless I was 100% about it. When I finally got the urge (not until my thirties!) it was so powerful that I knew that I was more than ready. I eventually had three. Without a doubt having kids has been the best decision I have ever made and definitely the most fulfilling and meaningful. They are teens/young adults now but they still hug me every day (including my son! He's also very tender, as your son is) Another blessing for me is that all three of them are extremely close to each other. I'm so grateful for that.
“How can a child grow up to be an emotionally competent person if their mother never let her true feelings show?”
There’s this series of early reader books I love called “Oliver and Amanda Pig.” Oliver and Amanda are two little pig children, about a year apart. Their dad works at some unspecified job and their mom stays home with them, and part of the reason I love these books is that the mom (who has much more page time than the dad) has such realistic feelings.
The kids, trying to help hang up laundry to dry, drop it in the mud and frustrate her. So she climbs into their tree fort and says she’s going to have time to herself while they make mud pies. They ask her three different times if she’s done having time to herself, and are told twice that no, she’s not. In another book, Grandmother Pig watches the children so their mother can have a day out of the house by herself.
Mother Pig takes several pages getting Oliver and Amanda dressed to go out in the snow, leaves for a moment to get her hat and coat, and comes back to find that they’ve taken off all the snow clothes. “We got too hot.” She starts crying for a moment, is comforted by her children, and recovers. When Amanda breaks her mother’s favorite lamp and yells, “I don’t care!”, her mother yells back, “Well, I do!” The author based Oliver and Amanda on her own children, and I assume Mother Pig is based on herself.
Your son sounds like a great kid. Queen of the multiverse - I love it. 😁
Thank you so much for this Jenny, it is really extra special and sweet. My precious daughter just turned 13 and this essay reminds me of all the little things about being her mom that I am so grateful for. Like your son, my daughter grounded me and gave me a crystal clear purpose that I had not previously known. Since she was born, when I was 42 years old, I have so enjoyed all the simple domestic tasks of motherhood and all the kid life routines that are part of it. I work as a maternity nurse in the hospital where she was born. I swear, almost every time I walk into the operating room where she was born, I still get a rush of what it felt like when I first saw her adorable face.
He is so lucky to have you for his mother, and you are so lucky to have a boy who is intelligent and normal, and appears destined to grow up to be a good man. It's corny and embarrassing to admit, but my eyes are welling with tears after reading your essay this week. Tears of happiness not only for you, but for the reminder that there still are people in the world I can admire and have hope for.
Loved this, Jenny. I think you’ve grabbed a hold of something deeply profound, maybe most profound of all. Giving up your life for another. Long live procreation. Long live giving our lives for another. To discover, after all, life.
Yes! That's exactly it -- they are always going through phases and almost nothing is permanent. I also strongly agree that you should allow them to see your limitations and/or imperfections, balanced by a sense that you remain in charge.
"went behind the moon" is a marvelous description of that separation from family phase we all have to experience. Thank you for that!