People defend porn (or at least get angry when you attack porn) because they see it as an integral part of the 'gains' made in the sexual revolution, and assume (perhaps rightly) that if you are against porn then you are against the entire sexual revolution. When you consider that the sexual revolution gave us freedom to watch porn, then it does not seem such a great achievement, does it? So, porn is a sore point with our liberal brethren, and their 'defence' of it, namely that is harmless or that teenagers grow out of it (i.e. it is not addictive), shows them defending the indefensible, and they know it Feminists like Julie Bindel are correct about porn objectifying girls and women; but it also harms boys and men who will not be able to form a true understanding of sexual relations if they are warped by porn. And porn is warping, because it is essentially an untruth.
People "assume (perhaps rightly) that if you are against porn then you are against the entire sexual revolution." YES. And this is why liberals get so discomfited by this topic. The stark implication is like the elephant in the room, it causes almost panic -- but, wait, if we are against the sexual revolution then that means we must...deny ourselves?!!?!?! And then they run around with their hair on fire.
Then you're going to have to ask who fuels this extreme pornography?
Who finances it? Who makes up the vast majority of directors, producers?
Who pays for it? Who makes up nearly 100% of OnlyFans audience and keeps it in business? Did over 1,000 males (supposedly--the whole thing looks like a lie) show up in Bonnie Blue's (1 female) case? Who is more responsible there?
If all males stopped, this whole problem would disappear overnight.
If females stopped doing this voluntarily, gangs would form and use trafficking to force them to do it. That is what happens in prostitution.
So it is demand-driven, not supply-driven. Who forms the demand and keeps the machine going?
Do men honestly want to talk about that? Do men criticize each other and hold themselves accountable for that?
Can they even have an honest conversation without irrational defensiveness and IT'S NOT ALL meltdowns?
I don't think they can. I don't think lots of female handmaidens really want to either.
Thank you, Jenny, for bringing up this very important point about how horribly pornography affects both men and women. I'm the grandmother of a 10 year-old boy who, at this point, doesn't yet know what sex is. I know this because, without thinking beforehand, I asked if there had been any "sex scenes" in an adult book he had recently read. His response: "What's sex?" I gulped (and prayed) and then said, "It's when people do a lot of kissing and hugging with each other." Fortunately, he never mentioned to my daughter (who has kept her son away from smartphones and has limited the amount of time he's online for the occasional school projects, and also closely monitored his computer use when he does have to be online, for school). Next year, though, he'll be a sixth-grader in middle-grade school. This past summer, I gave my daughter a book, written for pre-teens, talking about the dangers of porn, but she was embarrassed and gave the book back to me, saying she didn't want her children to read it. (I donated it to my local library.) We live in such dark and horribly challenging times. All I can really do for my grandson (and also for my younger granddaughter), is to keep praying. Lord help us all.
The battle against safeguarding your home from porn (and I have 10 snd 15yo boys) is mighty. My younger was exposed and addicted before age ten. I was devastated when I found out. I didn’t blame him, it was not his fault. Porn is the new predator who is molesting our kids - boys and girls.
Thank you for this, Jenny. You are absolutely right - I have worked with teenagers in school for a number of years, and pornography is very damaging to both girls and boys, and to the relations between them. In my experience, pornography also plays a part in the desire of young people to 'identify out' of the biological sex they are, to become someone or something else. Many struggle when confronted with the 'pornification' of sex and relationships - girls don't want to be girls, if that is what is involved; and many kind, sensitive young boys don't want to be men, if their only take on what that involves comes from porn. This early sexualisation of children is, as you say, destroying any chance of a healthy adolescence leading to responsible maturity.
The difference is that females are running away from male perversion because they don't want to be abused, and males are embracing male perversion by wanting to be abused. That is what "sissy porn" is meant to do, and men like Andrew "Andrea" Chu make that very clear. "Kind, sensitive young boys" are the ones driving this.
It's not both sides. Males are the problem, males make and consume the vast majority of pornography.
I don't think anyone really wants to have an honest conversation about male behavior because it always devolves into accusations and IT'S NOT ALL.
Kat you are blaming the victim. How can a 12 year old consent? The fundamental misunderstanding is how awful porns discovery makes a boy feel about women and themselves paired with a MASSIVE dopamine hit. It is mind rape. We introduce men to sex by violating them. Why do you not have 1 second for the boys, who are the target of this CIA psyop to destabilize society?
Who is the "we"? I'm not introducing men to anything.
This isn't "consenting" to a physical act or medical care.
These boys voluntarily seek out to watch something they choose to do, just like they seek out video games. Can they "consent" to video games? This is online behavior.
And if all internet porn was erased, then what? Men would start respecting women? Like they did for thousands of years before the internet existed? We could go back to legal child marriage again?
This is what I mean. Nobody wants to speak honestly about male behavior. It's this type of deflection, dishonesty, etc.
Kat, I love your takes. I agree with you. I share your anger. When a boy googles “sex” (the way I looked it up in the dictionary in 1988) he cannot consent to what he is about to process. Not just the horror, the subliminal messages of the content; but the shattering knowledge of its commonplace nature and acceptance. And yet there is minimizing, justifying and denial all around. He cannot consent to being shown false “proof” of what women “really” need - it is designed to arouse his worst instincts, anger, jealousy, hate, fear. It is psychological terrorism. It’s designed to be deeply hurtful, i believe to all heterosexual people, becuase of the male/female dynamic not at play in gay relationships. Becuase of the dynamic, it is a horror that disrupted society by empowering the worst men to intimidate everybody. t is wedded to addictive technology. Not to diminish the horrifying impact on women and girls - its an attack on everybody. Boys cannot see that his brain is the target by attacking what his boyhood fears/marvels at most - women. It is profound CSA for a boy to process modern life. It is nihilistic in the extreme. It has made all hetero male behavior worse not better - it spreads and normalizes the worst behavior. Our society was not always like this at this widespread level. So many traditional cultures functioned way better then this. The failure to recognize the predatory nature of using modern technology to push sex is insane. Normal people need help. Male and female nature are human nature. We can put common sense rules on devices. Google and Apple have distributed more porn to kids then any sex abuser in history. They are evil. It is making men worse. It was not always like this to this extent.
Jesus Christ said, "... if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea" (Matthew 18:6). Harming any child, male or female, is not of God.
And another clear statement from God, this one regarding Israel, is "I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse..." (Genesis 12:3)
The Israel He was referring to then is not the same nation that currently goes by that spelling. Instead it was the early church at that time. The Israel of today was created in the last 100 years and would no more resemble the “Israel” of Jesus’s time than if the U.S. bought Alaska and called it Israel. And the people who migrated to Israel were European and not native Middle Eastern Jews. Don’t get me wrong; I appreciate your Fati th and indeed I am a practicing Catholic; I just think that the Israel of today is not the one Jesus was referring to 2000 years ago.
Replacement theology claims that the church has replaced Israel. It has not. This is an invention of theologians. The promises of God with regard to Israel still stand. Israel was restored on May 14, 1948. God's statement in Genesis 12:3 stands.
Thank you for writing about the effects of porn on boys. They are victims! When my son was 10, he was exposed to porn at school. I did not let him have a smart phone or access to the internet, but I never factored in that other parents would let their 9/10 year old kids have smart phones and they would use them at school to watch porn and show it to my son! I was so angry and tried to work with the school and ended up pulling my son out of school mid-year. After lots of counseling and lots of discussions, he is ok. The lack of concern from the school, the other parents, and the community about this issue is shocking. Boys are children too and worthy of our protection and love just as much as girls are! Thank you!
Your story times 100 million is the reality we are dealing with here. This is the bigegst CSA scandal of all time, again happening IN PLAIN SIGHT.
We will not learn. Think of the number of traumatized victims. Its bigger then Giselle Picolt and the grooming gangs put together, times a thousand. ITS NUTS. Can we get some help yet? Can the media stop denying the abuse in a MASSIVE WHITEWASH of the crimes of all these tech companes, including especially GOOGLE apple, samsung and the rest.
Same! But having thought about it -- I agree with him. I mean, at what point do we start to hold these women with huge audiences who are profiting (at least financially, at least in the short to medium term) accountable? Of course there are massive companies and vested interests etc etc. But does that absolve an individual for their bad behaviour? As the French say, non.
(Also not sure if you would agree, but in my experience spending a lot of time around French women, they are far more comfortable with that kind of equality -- ie shared responsibility -- than Anglo women are.)
You don't think women are responsible for their own actions?
In general, women are terrible at holding themselves accountable, and they have an army of fellow women waiting to cheer them on or absolve them of their shitty decision making. Which is exactly what you are doing here, with histrionics. Thus proving my point: "The hard truth is that for many women, it is just unthinkable that a man or a boy might ever be a victim in any way, much less victimised by a woman. That blind spot has become an integral part of online conversation."
I have known more than one boy that was victimized so you might just check your assumptions. Unthinkable that a man or boy might be a victim?? Are you insane, have you lost the plot completely? what world do we live in? and yes, boys can be victimized by women, who in god's name would argue that? I think this is just a deranged conversation here, just throwing wild shit out there and saying I think that? Nice job. Really professional and well thought out.
When do women grow out of toddlerhood and become responsible for their adult choices? Is it 18, 24, 30, 50, 80? Or are women perpetual victims that must always be treated as helpless children? Any adult, male or female, that puts this garbage out on the internet where children can access it is a lowlife in my opinion.
Boys need to be protected from porn the same as girls. The detriment to everyone from this industry can’t be measured. When I was young I thought that it was a personal choice matter, but as an adult it’s easy to see how it negatively affects especially young people. I think boys would benefit from older males speaking to them about avoiding porn.
Me too! I also thought porn was no big deal when I was young, also because I literally never saw it. Maybe some nudey mags in a seedy shop somewhere, it was kind of pathetic and not at all cool. For creeps or losers only. But this is a totally different kettle of fish. It's insane.
There's an Australian man who I follow on Instagram who has a massive following speaking to boys about this. Can't think of his name right now. But yeah, it really needs to come from men.
I really liked this essay. Thanks to the author. Do some people not think that porno hurts boys? Do they think a 14 year old boy could consent to what he finds when he googles "sex"?
It absolutely is the biggest csa scandal in history. I am so angry about it.
It's always been obvious that porn should not be viewed by children and young teens -- blindingly obvious. And I've been writing about the sexualisation of children since I started this Substack. But what this young man said goes way deeper than that, like what you correctly characterise as CSA. And he includes uncomfortable (for some) hard truths about women's role in this whole mess. That's what I had never thought of before. Not some credulous 'oh wow you mean letting 10 year olds watch a horse fuck a man isn't a good idea?'*
*true and horrifying story a friend told me about something his son saw on a phone, years ago.
Some women blame men and some men blame women. Collective approval of CSA of every boy.
It is such a blatant, public, collective humiliation of men and the patriarchy, Men's failure to protect women and girls on full display. Worse, men betray their own values and participate. Humiliating. It completely undermines the Patriarchal notions of sex. It’s made by various people hurt by our system and its filled with spite. It’s anti-patriarchy to its core.
I’m grateful to find other people on Substack dumbfounded by media, academic and political apathy on the pornification of society. It’s even worse for teens then it is for children.
No kidding!!!!!!! My thoughts exactly, where have you been???? This is beyond ridiculous to think that we have not been trying to protect CHILDREN all along. wow, some have been asleep at the wheel, and blaming women ONCE AGAIN.
Thanks Joanna. We have abandoned these boys to Hell. We are like the bishops in the Catholic Church who looked the other way.
Over 5 years since I’ve been exposed to it. So what? I still have to meet my creator with this shame. There is no path to self-respect based on my emotional, mental, and cultural make up. It’s too much to ask me to accept this. At a critical time in my life I was a dishonourable, sneaky, bug-eyed creature. Afraid, repulsed and deeply hurt, hunched over a laptop, trapped in hell. The most degrading image of manhood you can picture. A boy. Boyhood self-respect gone forever. Burning with regret and disillusionment in the presence of anyone who knows me. Unable to look my family in the eye.
It was only 30 seconds a day. Women mas*****ing. Every time. None of my goddamn business is what it is. But It’s publicly humiliating that anyone can call me out on this and I have to cop. It’s an embarrassment. Totally shameful. It undermines my confidence. I’m afraid of everyone. I feel like an ogre. This mix of shame/anger/fear/ heartbreak/ tied to my attraction to women ruined my life. When I see a cute woman I am hit with a wave of grief and resentment.
I love my mom and aunts and sister but I betrayed our values. I avoid sex and romantic interest in women altogether. My sex drive is gone. Millions of others being in the same shape is no consolation. And it’s blithely dismissed as nothing if I try to talk to anyone. They just say “don’t judge yourself or others. “ As if that’s the point.
How dare these tech companies infiltrate our sex lives? Why can our government not protect boys from this self-immolation. Who the fuck can consent to learning every way to mock female sexuality as a teen boy. Worst CSA scandal in human history. And these digital rapists reward? Fame and praise and filthy lucre. Absolutely blood money.
Reserved for the sad little man? Pity, mockery, loneliness and vile memories. A hollow ache where memories of human touch might have been. What is there to do? I write to stop from screaming. I’m a bundle of raw nerves. But I smile and act friendly while everyone gaslights me. What else is there to do?
I’m so pissed off at its mainstream acceptance. It makes a mockery of my grief about it. Gleefully blaming me for my own abuse. And there is NEVER a time to talk about it. Except to joke, or to celebrate it, or to smugly accept universal csa as the hip new normal.
Never, Jenny. Never. This is what we men deal with all the time. And the women who make these comments call us "misogynists" when we call them out on it. And women wonder why men are starting to hate many of them.
What I meant that we should not overlook the fact that girls, too, are now exposed to online pornography and other forms of pornography - and not less harmed by it than boys.
Jenny, mothers rights to raise a porn-free son have been taken away in the name of free speech. Of course this hurts women. If they are less harmed directly, indirectly they pay the heaviest price of all. Young women have no hope of meeting a man thats not undergone the unspeakable refinement of pornification. And it must be crushing to all the kind, simple girls out there, just as it is to the boys, even though they participate in it. They look because boys are hardwired to obsess over it, it hijacks their brains. Modern Internet Porn weaponizes puberty against the boy, forcing him to look at his worst nightmare: this is womens secret world.
This is what women want: how could simple young boys take any other lesson from porn? Women were a mystery up to this point. That women apparently love getting treated like this is every straight boys worst nightmare, but the technology grabs him and basically forces him to look. At his worst nightmare. Read any novel about how young men feel about women. Now imagine them being wired to rub their own noses in this disgrace. Most of us feel too repulsed by ourselves to ever have a relationship now.
Women lose out too, of course. And the parents of all the OF customers must be so proud of their sons. And dads. This destroys families. Not to mention the simpletons, psychos and emotionally immature men that become deranged by this atrocity. Women and girls recruited to feed the monster pay the heaviest price of all. Check out Substack. Women that celebrate women who sell porn to teen boys are everywhere. Cam girls are heros to many women. Teen boys are the target market for the women who sell porn and they know it and you know it. These women are child sex predators.
You are proving you do not know anything about the women and men who fight for children, they are hardly leaving boys out of the conversation. This is not intelligent. At all. You are way out of your league here.
I take it for granted everyone knows that skyrocketing anxiety, depression and self-harm are due to girls porno exposure, not to mention being trans and asexual - all seems obvious. But you’re right, maybe not. People accuse boys of “seeking out” the language, smug degradation and traumatizing portrayal of sex. It’s the ultimate mystery as far as they’re concerned. To cruelly mock the seriousness of the desire deep in them to love, and discover the cosmic aspect of sex is csa. People say boys are asking for it at 12,14,16 years old. The knowledge that abuse videos are accepted by our sad society as a fact of life must, in and of itself, be traumatizing. It is to me.
I totally agree with you, Brian. Boys are victimized by pornography. As to girls' mental health problems, they are also largely caused by the online images of "perfect" female faces and bodies on Instagram etc.
Thanks Joanna. We have abandoned these boys to Hell. We are like the bishops in the Catholic Church who looked the other way.
Over 5 years since I’ve been exposed to it. So what? I still have to meet my creator with this shame. There is no path to self-respect based on my emotional, mental, and cultural make up. It’s too much to ask me to accept this. At a critical time in my life I was a dishonourable, sneaky, bug-eyed creature, afraid, repulsed and deeply hurt, hunched over a laptop. The most degrading image of manhood you can picture. A boy. Boyhood self-respect gone forever. Burning with regret and disillusionment in the presence of anyone who knows me. Unable to look my family in the eye.
It was only 30 seconds a day. Women mas*****ing. Every time. None of my goddamn business is what it is. But It’s publicly humiliating that anyone can call me out on this and I have to cop. It’s an embarrassment. Totally shameful. It undermines my confidence. I’m afraid of everyone. I feel like an ogre. This mix of shame/anger/fear/ heartbreak/ tied to my attraction to women ruined my life. When I see a cute woman I am hit with a wave of grief and resentment.
I love my mom and aunts and sister but I betrayed our values. I avoid sex and romantic interest in women altogether. My sex drive is gone. Millions of others being in the same shape is no consolation. And it’s blithely dismissed as nothing if I try to talk to anyone. They just say “don’t judge yourself or others.“ As if that’s the point.
How dare these tech companies infiltrate our sex lives? Why can our government not protect boys from this self-immolation. Who the fuck can consent to learning every way to mock female sexuality as a teen boy. Worst CSA scandal in human history. And these digital rapists reward? Fame and praise and filthy lucre. Absolutely blood money.
Reserved for the sad little man? Pity, mockery, loneliness and vile memories. A hollow ache where memories of human touch might have been. What is there to do? I write to stop from screaming. I’m a bundle of raw nerves. But I smile and act friendly while everyone gaslights me. What else is there to do?
I’m so pissed off at its mainstream acceptance. It makes a mockery of my grief about it. Gleefully blaming me for my own abuse. And there is NEVER a time to talk about it. Except to joke, or to celebrate it, or to smugly accept universal csa as the hip new normal.
I am so sorry to hear about how you feel, Brian. Hopefully you will come to realize that it's simply not your fault that you came across porn as a boy. Let me share a personal experience: I personally came across written porn (a long passage from one of Henry Miller's novels in a literary magazine) at the age of only 8. The passage was very explicit, full of vulgar words and included fantasies about incest.
This is how I found out about sex and for some time I assumed that only depraved people were doing such things. I am sure that this had a negative impact on my psychosexual development.
Thanks. I’m sorry for you too. Pornhub is an unlimited audio and video library of such, and much worse. The added trauma of knowing any psycho can access this shit. Are we the psychos? It’s universally accessible, and addicting, due to infinite variety. Imagine you were compelled to read increasingly upsetting stories like that every day of your life for ten years. That’s boyhood now.
Women understand what it’s like for straight men to look at porn as much as men understand what’s it like to get your period. There’s a totally exclusive gulf there. It’s different. To see and hear a woman in apparent sexual distress(?), but apparently loving it, is the most hurtful thing that will ever happen to most heterosexual boys. It is the most terrifying, enraging, disillusioning, profound, irreconcilable hurt to a boy who loves girls. Utterly devastating.
Confronted with this vast, compelling evidence of female self-hate, boys learn to hate themselves too.
How can they process the apparently unlimited evidence that women like to be hurt? At age 12 he’s not had a kiss yet. And he’s told it’s his fault. Utterly devastating. Its existence represents a profound failure of manhood, and motherhood.
Thanks Jenny. Once again you have pointed out a very real and overlooked concern about how pornography effects both genders. The sexual revolution has, among many negative side effects, emboldened the most deviant members of society to exploit our youth (without consequences) and the end result is an unstable adulthood for many of these victims. I pray we can slowly swing the pendulum back to stability, discipline and respect so our children and grandchildren can enjoy their youth and have a happy, stable future.
"The sexual revolution has, among many negative side effects, emboldened the most deviant members of society to exploit our youth (without consequences) and the end result is an unstable adulthood for many of these victims." BINGO. That is exactly right Christine, and very well said.
Orgasm by any means (of which porn is only one example) is the epitome of self centered. When the self wins, civilization—built on love, respect and care for the other—craters.
Onlyfans grossed over $6B in 2023 and paid out over $5B to creators, mostly women. That’s more than the total movie box office take in the US and approaching the revenue of Las Vegas casinos.
The commentary I have heard about this focused on how this dynamic turns the tables on the sex industry and cuts out the classic middleman pornographer, but the real effect is on the creators and customers. A savvy, attractive woman can make millions with nothing more than a phone. Why go to college, why look for a husband? The level of empowerment is staggering, but are we really arguing that it’s ok? Are these women going to regret their past en masse?
My take on why there is such widespread support for porn and abortion is that the people pulling the strings are deeply involved in both. Powerful men fuck young woman and abortion facilitates the coverup and removes the consequences. A porn-obsessed culture provides leverage over consumers and a constant supply of hypersexualized women to exploit.
I recently read a piece by Med Gold arguing that the hypersexualization of our culture is actually not sexual at all and that watching porn is basically cuckolding yourself. Putting that together with this piece has definitely changed my take on the damage we’re doing to ourselves.
It often, or usually takes a while for the whole truth and wider perspective to get noticed. Especially concerning such topics as this. Sexuality, just as every other resource is exploited . Nobody wins except for the corporations or financial interests involved. The harsh division between the sexes , and androgenous societal acceptance simultaneously makes effective cover for what amounts to a con game to extract as much revenue and I imagine, instigate general disempowerment as much as possible . The other thing that comes to mind is population control in the form of diverted and distorted human sexuality. Anyway . Good post on a prescient topic
Yes, population control may be one of the goals here, which could explain e.g. the promotion and normalization of heterosexual anal sex which is now virtually seen as a duty by many women.
Fortunately the use of child porn continues to be condemned by "progressives", though they don't realize that some people become so desensitized by "normal" porn that they start looking for child porn...
A thoroughly enjoyable article, which stimulated some great interactions in the comments. Reactions to Ms Phillips event were indeed intruiging. My X feed informed me today that another jolly lady has already gone beyond her 100!
I enjoy Julie Bindel´s work too, but agree with you regarding her reaction, which was fairly classic 70s WimLib stock opinion.
Porn is cancer, like feminism, seemingly made to reduce intimacy and connection between couples with those same old depop objectives, aside from the obvious exploitative buck being made from such content.
Well done on taking on the ´whatabouters`. Furthermore you seemed to have been vindicated on your theory about gynocentrism in this area of enquiry
This is a great comment. I'm flattered that you liked what I wrote, of course, and pleased that you agree with me. Because I'm human and we all like that. 🤣 But more importantly you are doing something I admire greatly. You are honestly evaluating the work of someone, in this case Julie Bindel, and are able to enjoy it, even if you don't agree with her on fundamental issues. More of this kind of thing!
Really enjoying your writings, both evocative and very humorous. I can´t help liking Julie, even her male-depreciating humour makes me laugh, although there is plenty i disagree with her on! I think I enjoy her more since the trans thing brought about the terf situation. Keep up the good work Jenny!
I've been screaming this for years. Porn puts distance between males and females, making it harder for a male to form a deep bond with a female. Promiscuous behavior (I include watching and obsessing over porn) by either sex is unhealthy, but the damage can be repaired. I can remember a very happy mother moment when my then 10-yr-old son came to me because he was very bothered by what two of his buddies were watching online on the home computer. He said it was "really bad." We're a long way from the Playboy centerfold. Neither Lilly Phillips nor any of the men were victims and it's ludicrous for Julie Bindel to write that she was exploited. I was 23 once and I was an adult with agency, sometimes making stupid choices. To say Lilly was exploited is to treat her like a toddler.
People defend porn (or at least get angry when you attack porn) because they see it as an integral part of the 'gains' made in the sexual revolution, and assume (perhaps rightly) that if you are against porn then you are against the entire sexual revolution. When you consider that the sexual revolution gave us freedom to watch porn, then it does not seem such a great achievement, does it? So, porn is a sore point with our liberal brethren, and their 'defence' of it, namely that is harmless or that teenagers grow out of it (i.e. it is not addictive), shows them defending the indefensible, and they know it Feminists like Julie Bindel are correct about porn objectifying girls and women; but it also harms boys and men who will not be able to form a true understanding of sexual relations if they are warped by porn. And porn is warping, because it is essentially an untruth.
People "assume (perhaps rightly) that if you are against porn then you are against the entire sexual revolution." YES. And this is why liberals get so discomfited by this topic. The stark implication is like the elephant in the room, it causes almost panic -- but, wait, if we are against the sexual revolution then that means we must...deny ourselves?!!?!?! And then they run around with their hair on fire.
Then you're going to have to ask who fuels this extreme pornography?
Who finances it? Who makes up the vast majority of directors, producers?
Who pays for it? Who makes up nearly 100% of OnlyFans audience and keeps it in business? Did over 1,000 males (supposedly--the whole thing looks like a lie) show up in Bonnie Blue's (1 female) case? Who is more responsible there?
If all males stopped, this whole problem would disappear overnight.
If females stopped doing this voluntarily, gangs would form and use trafficking to force them to do it. That is what happens in prostitution.
So it is demand-driven, not supply-driven. Who forms the demand and keeps the machine going?
Do men honestly want to talk about that? Do men criticize each other and hold themselves accountable for that?
Can they even have an honest conversation without irrational defensiveness and IT'S NOT ALL meltdowns?
I don't think they can. I don't think lots of female handmaidens really want to either.
Go to a strip club, and watch the female customers towards the end of the night. It is not only demand driven. Women want to be desired.
yes, and Julie also speaks to what this does to boys. She says so everytime she speaks of the effects on kids.
Thank you, Jenny, for bringing up this very important point about how horribly pornography affects both men and women. I'm the grandmother of a 10 year-old boy who, at this point, doesn't yet know what sex is. I know this because, without thinking beforehand, I asked if there had been any "sex scenes" in an adult book he had recently read. His response: "What's sex?" I gulped (and prayed) and then said, "It's when people do a lot of kissing and hugging with each other." Fortunately, he never mentioned to my daughter (who has kept her son away from smartphones and has limited the amount of time he's online for the occasional school projects, and also closely monitored his computer use when he does have to be online, for school). Next year, though, he'll be a sixth-grader in middle-grade school. This past summer, I gave my daughter a book, written for pre-teens, talking about the dangers of porn, but she was embarrassed and gave the book back to me, saying she didn't want her children to read it. (I donated it to my local library.) We live in such dark and horribly challenging times. All I can really do for my grandson (and also for my younger granddaughter), is to keep praying. Lord help us all.
Indeed. ❤️
Good pictures. Bad pictures. — every parent should be reading this to their kids! Porn is the new molester - and it comes in the home!
I agree 100%!
The battle against safeguarding your home from porn (and I have 10 snd 15yo boys) is mighty. My younger was exposed and addicted before age ten. I was devastated when I found out. I didn’t blame him, it was not his fault. Porn is the new predator who is molesting our kids - boys and girls.
Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be so hard to avoid in this f-ed up culture.
Thank you for this, Jenny. You are absolutely right - I have worked with teenagers in school for a number of years, and pornography is very damaging to both girls and boys, and to the relations between them. In my experience, pornography also plays a part in the desire of young people to 'identify out' of the biological sex they are, to become someone or something else. Many struggle when confronted with the 'pornification' of sex and relationships - girls don't want to be girls, if that is what is involved; and many kind, sensitive young boys don't want to be men, if their only take on what that involves comes from porn. This early sexualisation of children is, as you say, destroying any chance of a healthy adolescence leading to responsible maturity.
YES! It's so sinister. Dystopian.
The difference is that females are running away from male perversion because they don't want to be abused, and males are embracing male perversion by wanting to be abused. That is what "sissy porn" is meant to do, and men like Andrew "Andrea" Chu make that very clear. "Kind, sensitive young boys" are the ones driving this.
It's not both sides. Males are the problem, males make and consume the vast majority of pornography.
I don't think anyone really wants to have an honest conversation about male behavior because it always devolves into accusations and IT'S NOT ALL.
Kat you are blaming the victim. How can a 12 year old consent? The fundamental misunderstanding is how awful porns discovery makes a boy feel about women and themselves paired with a MASSIVE dopamine hit. It is mind rape. We introduce men to sex by violating them. Why do you not have 1 second for the boys, who are the target of this CIA psyop to destabilize society?
Who is the "we"? I'm not introducing men to anything.
This isn't "consenting" to a physical act or medical care.
These boys voluntarily seek out to watch something they choose to do, just like they seek out video games. Can they "consent" to video games? This is online behavior.
And if all internet porn was erased, then what? Men would start respecting women? Like they did for thousands of years before the internet existed? We could go back to legal child marriage again?
This is what I mean. Nobody wants to speak honestly about male behavior. It's this type of deflection, dishonesty, etc.
Kat, I love your takes. I agree with you. I share your anger. When a boy googles “sex” (the way I looked it up in the dictionary in 1988) he cannot consent to what he is about to process. Not just the horror, the subliminal messages of the content; but the shattering knowledge of its commonplace nature and acceptance. And yet there is minimizing, justifying and denial all around. He cannot consent to being shown false “proof” of what women “really” need - it is designed to arouse his worst instincts, anger, jealousy, hate, fear. It is psychological terrorism. It’s designed to be deeply hurtful, i believe to all heterosexual people, becuase of the male/female dynamic not at play in gay relationships. Becuase of the dynamic, it is a horror that disrupted society by empowering the worst men to intimidate everybody. t is wedded to addictive technology. Not to diminish the horrifying impact on women and girls - its an attack on everybody. Boys cannot see that his brain is the target by attacking what his boyhood fears/marvels at most - women. It is profound CSA for a boy to process modern life. It is nihilistic in the extreme. It has made all hetero male behavior worse not better - it spreads and normalizes the worst behavior. Our society was not always like this at this widespread level. So many traditional cultures functioned way better then this. The failure to recognize the predatory nature of using modern technology to push sex is insane. Normal people need help. Male and female nature are human nature. We can put common sense rules on devices. Google and Apple have distributed more porn to kids then any sex abuser in history. They are evil. It is making men worse. It was not always like this to this extent.
I have no sympathy for males because males are the problem.
This is the female version of the male incel.
Jesus Christ said, "... if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea" (Matthew 18:6). Harming any child, male or female, is not of God.
Excellent reminder of Jesus’s warning.
And another clear statement from God, this one regarding Israel, is "I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse..." (Genesis 12:3)
The Israel He was referring to then is not the same nation that currently goes by that spelling. Instead it was the early church at that time. The Israel of today was created in the last 100 years and would no more resemble the “Israel” of Jesus’s time than if the U.S. bought Alaska and called it Israel. And the people who migrated to Israel were European and not native Middle Eastern Jews. Don’t get me wrong; I appreciate your Fati th and indeed I am a practicing Catholic; I just think that the Israel of today is not the one Jesus was referring to 2000 years ago.
Replacement theology claims that the church has replaced Israel. It has not. This is an invention of theologians. The promises of God with regard to Israel still stand. Israel was restored on May 14, 1948. God's statement in Genesis 12:3 stands.
Hi Susan, I agree to disagree, and still appreciate the comments you add to the conversations.
Thank you for writing about the effects of porn on boys. They are victims! When my son was 10, he was exposed to porn at school. I did not let him have a smart phone or access to the internet, but I never factored in that other parents would let their 9/10 year old kids have smart phones and they would use them at school to watch porn and show it to my son! I was so angry and tried to work with the school and ended up pulling my son out of school mid-year. After lots of counseling and lots of discussions, he is ok. The lack of concern from the school, the other parents, and the community about this issue is shocking. Boys are children too and worthy of our protection and love just as much as girls are! Thank you!
I've experienced something similar. I'm glad your son is doing well.
Did another male student show him this pornography?
Public Schools are not safe for kids anymore.
Your story times 100 million is the reality we are dealing with here. This is the bigegst CSA scandal of all time, again happening IN PLAIN SIGHT.
We will not learn. Think of the number of traumatized victims. Its bigger then Giselle Picolt and the grooming gangs put together, times a thousand. ITS NUTS. Can we get some help yet? Can the media stop denying the abuse in a MASSIVE WHITEWASH of the crimes of all these tech companes, including especially GOOGLE apple, samsung and the rest.
I had truly not considered this perspective before.
Women who create porn that is consumed by boys are *exploiting* those boys.
Same! But having thought about it -- I agree with him. I mean, at what point do we start to hold these women with huge audiences who are profiting (at least financially, at least in the short to medium term) accountable? Of course there are massive companies and vested interests etc etc. But does that absolve an individual for their bad behaviour? As the French say, non.
(Also not sure if you would agree, but in my experience spending a lot of time around French women, they are far more comfortable with that kind of equality -- ie shared responsibility -- than Anglo women are.)
this is just such a weak and lame argument, that once again blames women, wow, is is that easy to convince you?
You don't think women are responsible for their own actions?
In general, women are terrible at holding themselves accountable, and they have an army of fellow women waiting to cheer them on or absolve them of their shitty decision making. Which is exactly what you are doing here, with histrionics. Thus proving my point: "The hard truth is that for many women, it is just unthinkable that a man or a boy might ever be a victim in any way, much less victimised by a woman. That blind spot has become an integral part of online conversation."
I have known more than one boy that was victimized so you might just check your assumptions. Unthinkable that a man or boy might be a victim?? Are you insane, have you lost the plot completely? what world do we live in? and yes, boys can be victimized by women, who in god's name would argue that? I think this is just a deranged conversation here, just throwing wild shit out there and saying I think that? Nice job. Really professional and well thought out.
Run along back to bluesky it’s not safe for you here
When do women grow out of toddlerhood and become responsible for their adult choices? Is it 18, 24, 30, 50, 80? Or are women perpetual victims that must always be treated as helpless children? Any adult, male or female, that puts this garbage out on the internet where children can access it is a lowlife in my opinion.
Boys need to be protected from porn the same as girls. The detriment to everyone from this industry can’t be measured. When I was young I thought that it was a personal choice matter, but as an adult it’s easy to see how it negatively affects especially young people. I think boys would benefit from older males speaking to them about avoiding porn.
Me too! I also thought porn was no big deal when I was young, also because I literally never saw it. Maybe some nudey mags in a seedy shop somewhere, it was kind of pathetic and not at all cool. For creeps or losers only. But this is a totally different kettle of fish. It's insane.
There's an Australian man who I follow on Instagram who has a massive following speaking to boys about this. Can't think of his name right now. But yeah, it really needs to come from men.
Do you mean Richie Hardcore, from New Zealand?
So true. We grew up with Playboy. What’s out there now is horrifying.
I really liked this essay. Thanks to the author. Do some people not think that porno hurts boys? Do they think a 14 year old boy could consent to what he finds when he googles "sex"?
It absolutely is the biggest csa scandal in history. I am so angry about it.
It's always been obvious that porn should not be viewed by children and young teens -- blindingly obvious. And I've been writing about the sexualisation of children since I started this Substack. But what this young man said goes way deeper than that, like what you correctly characterise as CSA. And he includes uncomfortable (for some) hard truths about women's role in this whole mess. That's what I had never thought of before. Not some credulous 'oh wow you mean letting 10 year olds watch a horse fuck a man isn't a good idea?'*
*true and horrifying story a friend told me about something his son saw on a phone, years ago.
Some women blame men and some men blame women. Collective approval of CSA of every boy.
It is such a blatant, public, collective humiliation of men and the patriarchy, Men's failure to protect women and girls on full display. Worse, men betray their own values and participate. Humiliating. It completely undermines the Patriarchal notions of sex. It’s made by various people hurt by our system and its filled with spite. It’s anti-patriarchy to its core.
Not just me, all the boys you ever met. Many of us do not handle this well. It’s not just abuse; it’s torture.
I’m grateful to find other people on Substack dumbfounded by media, academic and political apathy on the pornification of society. It’s even worse for teens then it is for children.
The idea that pornhub it’s healthy for 14 year old boys is all over Reddit. Go check it out.
No kidding!!!!!!! My thoughts exactly, where have you been???? This is beyond ridiculous to think that we have not been trying to protect CHILDREN all along. wow, some have been asleep at the wheel, and blaming women ONCE AGAIN.
makes my blood boil a bit.
Thanks Joanna. We have abandoned these boys to Hell. We are like the bishops in the Catholic Church who looked the other way.
Over 5 years since I’ve been exposed to it. So what? I still have to meet my creator with this shame. There is no path to self-respect based on my emotional, mental, and cultural make up. It’s too much to ask me to accept this. At a critical time in my life I was a dishonourable, sneaky, bug-eyed creature. Afraid, repulsed and deeply hurt, hunched over a laptop, trapped in hell. The most degrading image of manhood you can picture. A boy. Boyhood self-respect gone forever. Burning with regret and disillusionment in the presence of anyone who knows me. Unable to look my family in the eye.
It was only 30 seconds a day. Women mas*****ing. Every time. None of my goddamn business is what it is. But It’s publicly humiliating that anyone can call me out on this and I have to cop. It’s an embarrassment. Totally shameful. It undermines my confidence. I’m afraid of everyone. I feel like an ogre. This mix of shame/anger/fear/ heartbreak/ tied to my attraction to women ruined my life. When I see a cute woman I am hit with a wave of grief and resentment.
I love my mom and aunts and sister but I betrayed our values. I avoid sex and romantic interest in women altogether. My sex drive is gone. Millions of others being in the same shape is no consolation. And it’s blithely dismissed as nothing if I try to talk to anyone. They just say “don’t judge yourself or others. “ As if that’s the point.
How dare these tech companies infiltrate our sex lives? Why can our government not protect boys from this self-immolation. Who the fuck can consent to learning every way to mock female sexuality as a teen boy. Worst CSA scandal in human history. And these digital rapists reward? Fame and praise and filthy lucre. Absolutely blood money.
Reserved for the sad little man? Pity, mockery, loneliness and vile memories. A hollow ache where memories of human touch might have been. What is there to do? I write to stop from screaming. I’m a bundle of raw nerves. But I smile and act friendly while everyone gaslights me. What else is there to do?
I’m so pissed off at its mainstream acceptance. It makes a mockery of my grief about it. Gleefully blaming me for my own abuse. And there is NEVER a time to talk about it. Except to joke, or to celebrate it, or to smugly accept universal csa as the hip new normal.
Fuck society.
Why don't we say that porn hurts *children*? Girls can also easily come across online porn.
Can't boys have their own little bit of attention?
Never, Jenny. Never. This is what we men deal with all the time. And the women who make these comments call us "misogynists" when we call them out on it. And women wonder why men are starting to hate many of them.
What I meant that we should not overlook the fact that girls, too, are now exposed to online pornography and other forms of pornography - and not less harmed by it than boys.
Jenny, mothers rights to raise a porn-free son have been taken away in the name of free speech. Of course this hurts women. If they are less harmed directly, indirectly they pay the heaviest price of all. Young women have no hope of meeting a man thats not undergone the unspeakable refinement of pornification. And it must be crushing to all the kind, simple girls out there, just as it is to the boys, even though they participate in it. They look because boys are hardwired to obsess over it, it hijacks their brains. Modern Internet Porn weaponizes puberty against the boy, forcing him to look at his worst nightmare: this is womens secret world.
This is what women want: how could simple young boys take any other lesson from porn? Women were a mystery up to this point. That women apparently love getting treated like this is every straight boys worst nightmare, but the technology grabs him and basically forces him to look. At his worst nightmare. Read any novel about how young men feel about women. Now imagine them being wired to rub their own noses in this disgrace. Most of us feel too repulsed by ourselves to ever have a relationship now.
Women lose out too, of course. And the parents of all the OF customers must be so proud of their sons. And dads. This destroys families. Not to mention the simpletons, psychos and emotionally immature men that become deranged by this atrocity. Women and girls recruited to feed the monster pay the heaviest price of all. Check out Substack. Women that celebrate women who sell porn to teen boys are everywhere. Cam girls are heros to many women. Teen boys are the target market for the women who sell porn and they know it and you know it. These women are child sex predators.
You are proving you do not know anything about the women and men who fight for children, they are hardly leaving boys out of the conversation. This is not intelligent. At all. You are way out of your league here.
You're just being a nasty, vitriolic, feminist with an attitude, madam.
I take it for granted everyone knows that skyrocketing anxiety, depression and self-harm are due to girls porno exposure, not to mention being trans and asexual - all seems obvious. But you’re right, maybe not. People accuse boys of “seeking out” the language, smug degradation and traumatizing portrayal of sex. It’s the ultimate mystery as far as they’re concerned. To cruelly mock the seriousness of the desire deep in them to love, and discover the cosmic aspect of sex is csa. People say boys are asking for it at 12,14,16 years old. The knowledge that abuse videos are accepted by our sad society as a fact of life must, in and of itself, be traumatizing. It is to me.
well said!!!!
I totally agree with you, Brian. Boys are victimized by pornography. As to girls' mental health problems, they are also largely caused by the online images of "perfect" female faces and bodies on Instagram etc.
Thanks Joanna. We have abandoned these boys to Hell. We are like the bishops in the Catholic Church who looked the other way.
Over 5 years since I’ve been exposed to it. So what? I still have to meet my creator with this shame. There is no path to self-respect based on my emotional, mental, and cultural make up. It’s too much to ask me to accept this. At a critical time in my life I was a dishonourable, sneaky, bug-eyed creature, afraid, repulsed and deeply hurt, hunched over a laptop. The most degrading image of manhood you can picture. A boy. Boyhood self-respect gone forever. Burning with regret and disillusionment in the presence of anyone who knows me. Unable to look my family in the eye.
It was only 30 seconds a day. Women mas*****ing. Every time. None of my goddamn business is what it is. But It’s publicly humiliating that anyone can call me out on this and I have to cop. It’s an embarrassment. Totally shameful. It undermines my confidence. I’m afraid of everyone. I feel like an ogre. This mix of shame/anger/fear/ heartbreak/ tied to my attraction to women ruined my life. When I see a cute woman I am hit with a wave of grief and resentment.
I love my mom and aunts and sister but I betrayed our values. I avoid sex and romantic interest in women altogether. My sex drive is gone. Millions of others being in the same shape is no consolation. And it’s blithely dismissed as nothing if I try to talk to anyone. They just say “don’t judge yourself or others.“ As if that’s the point.
How dare these tech companies infiltrate our sex lives? Why can our government not protect boys from this self-immolation. Who the fuck can consent to learning every way to mock female sexuality as a teen boy. Worst CSA scandal in human history. And these digital rapists reward? Fame and praise and filthy lucre. Absolutely blood money.
Reserved for the sad little man? Pity, mockery, loneliness and vile memories. A hollow ache where memories of human touch might have been. What is there to do? I write to stop from screaming. I’m a bundle of raw nerves. But I smile and act friendly while everyone gaslights me. What else is there to do?
I’m so pissed off at its mainstream acceptance. It makes a mockery of my grief about it. Gleefully blaming me for my own abuse. And there is NEVER a time to talk about it. Except to joke, or to celebrate it, or to smugly accept universal csa as the hip new normal.
Fuck society.
I am so sorry to hear about how you feel, Brian. Hopefully you will come to realize that it's simply not your fault that you came across porn as a boy. Let me share a personal experience: I personally came across written porn (a long passage from one of Henry Miller's novels in a literary magazine) at the age of only 8. The passage was very explicit, full of vulgar words and included fantasies about incest.
This is how I found out about sex and for some time I assumed that only depraved people were doing such things. I am sure that this had a negative impact on my psychosexual development.
Thanks. I’m sorry for you too. Pornhub is an unlimited audio and video library of such, and much worse. The added trauma of knowing any psycho can access this shit. Are we the psychos? It’s universally accessible, and addicting, due to infinite variety. Imagine you were compelled to read increasingly upsetting stories like that every day of your life for ten years. That’s boyhood now.
Women understand what it’s like for straight men to look at porn as much as men understand what’s it like to get your period. There’s a totally exclusive gulf there. It’s different. To see and hear a woman in apparent sexual distress(?), but apparently loving it, is the most hurtful thing that will ever happen to most heterosexual boys. It is the most terrifying, enraging, disillusioning, profound, irreconcilable hurt to a boy who loves girls. Utterly devastating.
Confronted with this vast, compelling evidence of female self-hate, boys learn to hate themselves too.
How can they process the apparently unlimited evidence that women like to be hurt? At age 12 he’s not had a kiss yet. And he’s told it’s his fault. Utterly devastating. Its existence represents a profound failure of manhood, and motherhood.
Thanks Jenny. Once again you have pointed out a very real and overlooked concern about how pornography effects both genders. The sexual revolution has, among many negative side effects, emboldened the most deviant members of society to exploit our youth (without consequences) and the end result is an unstable adulthood for many of these victims. I pray we can slowly swing the pendulum back to stability, discipline and respect so our children and grandchildren can enjoy their youth and have a happy, stable future.
"The sexual revolution has, among many negative side effects, emboldened the most deviant members of society to exploit our youth (without consequences) and the end result is an unstable adulthood for many of these victims." BINGO. That is exactly right Christine, and very well said.
Orgasm by any means (of which porn is only one example) is the epitome of self centered. When the self wins, civilization—built on love, respect and care for the other—craters.
Yes, and you are so right -- "love, respect and care for the other" is the polar opposite to porn and extreme promiscuity in general.
Onlyfans grossed over $6B in 2023 and paid out over $5B to creators, mostly women. That’s more than the total movie box office take in the US and approaching the revenue of Las Vegas casinos.
The commentary I have heard about this focused on how this dynamic turns the tables on the sex industry and cuts out the classic middleman pornographer, but the real effect is on the creators and customers. A savvy, attractive woman can make millions with nothing more than a phone. Why go to college, why look for a husband? The level of empowerment is staggering, but are we really arguing that it’s ok? Are these women going to regret their past en masse?
My take on why there is such widespread support for porn and abortion is that the people pulling the strings are deeply involved in both. Powerful men fuck young woman and abortion facilitates the coverup and removes the consequences. A porn-obsessed culture provides leverage over consumers and a constant supply of hypersexualized women to exploit.
I recently read a piece by Med Gold arguing that the hypersexualization of our culture is actually not sexual at all and that watching porn is basically cuckolding yourself. Putting that together with this piece has definitely changed my take on the damage we’re doing to ourselves.
Great comment. Thanks.
It often, or usually takes a while for the whole truth and wider perspective to get noticed. Especially concerning such topics as this. Sexuality, just as every other resource is exploited . Nobody wins except for the corporations or financial interests involved. The harsh division between the sexes , and androgenous societal acceptance simultaneously makes effective cover for what amounts to a con game to extract as much revenue and I imagine, instigate general disempowerment as much as possible . The other thing that comes to mind is population control in the form of diverted and distorted human sexuality. Anyway . Good post on a prescient topic
"Sexuality, just as every other resource is exploited . Nobody wins except for the corporations or financial interests involved." Excellent point.
Yes, population control may be one of the goals here, which could explain e.g. the promotion and normalization of heterosexual anal sex which is now virtually seen as a duty by many women.
I shudder.
Indeed as well as bdsm and child porn being promoted as sexual freedoms completely out of context or psychological influence .
Fortunately the use of child porn continues to be condemned by "progressives", though they don't realize that some people become so desensitized by "normal" porn that they start looking for child porn...
That's the general way it will go , and by default I don't wonder
A thoroughly enjoyable article, which stimulated some great interactions in the comments. Reactions to Ms Phillips event were indeed intruiging. My X feed informed me today that another jolly lady has already gone beyond her 100!
I enjoy Julie Bindel´s work too, but agree with you regarding her reaction, which was fairly classic 70s WimLib stock opinion.
Porn is cancer, like feminism, seemingly made to reduce intimacy and connection between couples with those same old depop objectives, aside from the obvious exploitative buck being made from such content.
Well done on taking on the ´whatabouters`. Furthermore you seemed to have been vindicated on your theory about gynocentrism in this area of enquiry
Great stuff Mrs Holland!
This is a great comment. I'm flattered that you liked what I wrote, of course, and pleased that you agree with me. Because I'm human and we all like that. 🤣 But more importantly you are doing something I admire greatly. You are honestly evaluating the work of someone, in this case Julie Bindel, and are able to enjoy it, even if you don't agree with her on fundamental issues. More of this kind of thing!
Really enjoying your writings, both evocative and very humorous. I can´t help liking Julie, even her male-depreciating humour makes me laugh, although there is plenty i disagree with her on! I think I enjoy her more since the trans thing brought about the terf situation. Keep up the good work Jenny!
I've been screaming this for years. Porn puts distance between males and females, making it harder for a male to form a deep bond with a female. Promiscuous behavior (I include watching and obsessing over porn) by either sex is unhealthy, but the damage can be repaired. I can remember a very happy mother moment when my then 10-yr-old son came to me because he was very bothered by what two of his buddies were watching online on the home computer. He said it was "really bad." We're a long way from the Playboy centerfold. Neither Lilly Phillips nor any of the men were victims and it's ludicrous for Julie Bindel to write that she was exploited. I was 23 once and I was an adult with agency, sometimes making stupid choices. To say Lilly was exploited is to treat her like a toddler.
This is profoundly true.