I remember thinking when I was about 10, I wish I could just be a B-C student so no one would expect me to achieve. I went on to live up to my parents' expectations. Almost a half century later, with both a B.A. and an M.D. (orthopaedic surgery, orthopaedic trauma surgery, and hand and microvascular surgery), I still wonder what it would be like to live a life that doesn't carry so much responsibility with every decision I make. The scene in American Beauty, where he is applying for a job at the fast food restaurant, is one of my favorites. "No, I'd like the job with the LEAST amount of responsibility." The grass isn't always greener.
I can so relate. As somebody who was a licensed attorney for many years (now on retired status) and who has a master's degree and other graduate courses, but who often chose to work in jobs that could have been handled just as well by an intelligent person with far less formal education, I very much get it.
I love retirement. My world is largely my PC screen and my books. I can explore what interests me. No trying to impress a professor or a boss or anybody else or to fit into an organization.
Whoa. You helped me to get inside the head of my perfectionist daughter who feels she must do a bunch of shit to impress people (the apple fell far, far from this particular tree--ha!ha!). I can remember, in seventh grade, suddenly having an insight: "Oh my god. They're attempting to control all of us!" That was when I quit playing the game of competition with my egg-head friends, trying to see which of us would get the most 100's on our tests. My friends thought I was absolutely crazy, but from that point on I decided that no one was going to control me. After that, I only read what I wanted to read, didn't bother so much with memorization (unless it was something that truly interested me), and I floated by making A's and B's (and then mainly B's and C's in college). Not until I got to seminary (where the grades were only pass/fail) did I work my butt off, but at that point, for the first time, I was studying what I truly wanted to learn, and I was jazzed like hell over my coarse work (even though I also knew that I had absolutely NO INTEREST in becoming a minister or chaplain). I think, though, what got me on this track of not giving a shit what others in this world think is that, beginning at age seven, I began having "conversations" with "God." Yeah, I know. It's the kind of thing I quickly learned you need to keep to yourself (ha!ha!). But, at that time, God became (in my mind) my best bud and I only wanted to please "Him" (as a little girl I believed God was the old man in the sky with the long white hair and the long white beard, and that "He" talked to me via my "God Radio" in my heart). My beliefs about the Higher Power of Love have changed greatly over the years, and my names for God vary from day to day; but God's still my best bud and I only want to make sure I'm living in a way that's pleasing to the Source of Love. I do believe in an afterlife, and I do believe that, during our life review, we will suffer the pain of seeing all the wrong we've done to others (minor or major). And, I'm one of those weirdos who also has "past-life memories," so I carry my current sense of self very lightly upon my shoulders because I still remember what it was like, in "past lives," being someone other than my current self. I like to think of my current self as a sort of avatar. : )
It's fun to fantasize about past lives (like a proper girl being reincarnated from Queen Victoria or something) but, in reality, we only get one life, after which there is eternity.
Some of us see the Bible as God's Word as it has been filtered through and interpreted by a large collection human males who used to wield a lot of religious power in this world. I love the Bible and find a lot of Truth in the Good Book, but we're all Children of God. All of our voices deserve to be heard, not just the ones that have been placed on a Holy Pedestal by a large body of male religious leaders who wanted to keep women's mouths shut and maintain the power they had accumulated for themselves.
You are correct that there have been a lot of abuses by men in power (and women in power such as nuns who may not have had much power in the church structure but who had plenty of power in their own classrooms). Jesus was not a fan of religiosity that did not really follow God (his phrase "you brood of vipers" comes to mind). Certainly, there have been a lot of flawed interpretations of Scripture around. We are all created in the image of God as recorded in Genesis but to be children of God we must choose to follow God (and not a god of our imagination but God as he has chosen to reveal himself in Scripture). There are some difficult passages in Scripture to be sure, but they can be understood in the context of all of Scripture which is why prayerful study asking the Holy Spirit to help us understand is essential.
"... which is why prayerful study asking the Holy Spirit to help us understand is essential." I agree. It's known as the "Lectio Divina" form of Bible reading. It really helps to make the Bible come alive when you surrender your reading and interpretation of biblical scripture into God's hands, asking the Holy Spirit to guide you as you read (but you also have to release all the ways your church taught you to interpret passages of the Bible when you were growing up). I think studying both Greek and Hebrew helps to make the Bible come alive (I think all churches should teach Greek and Hebrew in the Sunday-school classes). Greek and Hebrew passages can often be translated in very different ways. However, if you really want to take a rabbit dive into biblical exegesis, you'll discover that there are actually many, many different historical versions of the same books from the Bible (all with their own slight variations). It's easy to understand how this happened. All those many, many monks who, centuries ago, spent so much time transcribing the books of the Bible by hand (oftentimes with not enough light), would sometimes make a mistake here and there (and maybe sometimes they were ordered by their superior to add or subtract a word, or a phrase, or an entire sentence in a particular passage..., in order to make it clear "what God wanted the passage to be"). The original letters of Paul, for instance, did not initially contain the anti-woman stuff in them (e.g., that rude line, "Women should remain silent in the churches," from 1 Corinthians). I used to get SO angry with that piece of scripture, but seminary allowed me to take a chill pill concerning the letters of Paul. I actually like him a lot now. : )
A lot of the passages that look sexist at first glance were written in a particular context as a reaction to anything from followers of false goddesses (and a false goddess is just as dangerous as a false god) showing up in church to women who had never had an opportunity for education talking in church at inappropriate times. But if one reads the whole of Scripture, it says, "So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ Jesus have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female for you are all one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3:26-28 )
Thanks so much for mentioning my interview with Tammy Peterson! She inspired me to a memory about my mother, and am ever grateful for that. Also her willingness to speak about her doubts, from her secured spirituality now is truly a blessing. We did record a second interview, which her producer Ian will edit and post sometime in the next months. Be well, everyone--we must find our strength as our time demands it.
You are welcome! And yes, it was very helpful to hear the same doubts from someone who -- in conventional terms -- was "lucky" or "successful." Such a good lesson that it's not really about who gets what, and what that means. We all share the same insecurities. When it comes to things like writing or sharing your ideas, you work not for the success, but for the work itself.
Lovely piece. Relatedly, I'm so glad that I'm too old for anybody to ask me what I want to do when I grow up. I always hated that question. "Those are good grades. What are you going to do with them?" Oh no. No idea. Probably not much, despite a lot of hard work.
yes, there are many people who recoil at the idea of surrendering oneself to a Higher Power, feeling that this somehow makes them a slave when the truth is quite the opposite. surrendering one's will to God is the ultimate freedom...
I struggled with this at first because I thought it meant giving up autonomy. what was really going on tho, was I was realizing that I was never really in control; that control is an illusion. and my addiction was a hollow attempt at managing my feelings and thoughts. I was slowly letting go of the helm of a ship headed for the rocks, haha.
being in recovery is humbling in the most sublime way...
My goal for my whole life has been to write fiction. However, I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, and I'm still working on finding practical solutions that will help me not waste time. I can't figure out when it's okay to cut myself some slack - because, hey, I have a disability - and when I need to keep pushing myself.
I "should" have a book finished by now. I'm a stay-at-home mom and both of my kids are in school full-time now. But I'm held back by the never-ending mess in my house, and by a sense of unworthiness. I don't doubt that I'm a good writer, but I do doubt that I'm capable of doing something as "adult" as writing and finishing an entire book. I'm a licensed attorney, but due to a perfect storm of factors - familial wealth, bad job market, getting pregnant when I got pregnant - I've never had a paying job in my whole life. No, not even retail or fast food. Sometimes I don't care, but sometimes I feel like I'm not a real adult and I haven't lived a real adult life, and that it'll be obvious to other people.
I don't have a problem believing in a higher power. I'm just not always convinced that the higher power likes me.
"I'm just not always convinced that the higher power likes me." -- well that is similar to my own personal persecution complex, and a few years ago I realised I had not had a "real" job in 10 years and I was absolutely crushed. I felt like such a loser. I personally believe that raising a child/children is far, far, FAR more important than any paying job could ever be, unless you are CEO of a huge corporation or the president or something. But I suspect that won't help you feel much better in those moments when it just doesn't feel good enough. Being able to bring order to your life and home are surprisingly hard to do, and I'm only *just* making first steps towards prioritising that as it makes a huge difference to my overall mood. When I was in my 30's literally none of this had ever occurred to me - I just felt like I had been locked out and I grieved. Solutions have a way of presenting themselves, over time. Thank you for sharing, I'm honoured.
Truly, being a parent is the most important job you will ever do. I know it doesn’t always feel that way though. Unfortunately its one of the jobs most undervalued by modern society.
“Being able to bring order to your life and home are surprisingly hard to do, and I'm only *just* making first steps towards prioritising that as it makes a huge difference to my overall mood.”
Yeah, it really does make a big difference. Isn’t one of Jordan Peterson’s pieces of advice that you should have one beautiful room in your house?
“Solutions have a way of presenting themselves, over time. Thank you for sharing, I'm honoured.”
And thank you for listening. It really means a lot.
By getting through law school and passing the bar examination, you have already proven (if any proof was necessary) that you can get stuff done. And many lawyers would envy your never having had a paying job. There are a lot of unhappy lawyers in jobs they can't stand. And being a stay-at-home mom is often more of a job than paid employment. Your book will flow when the time is right. Be kind to yourself.
I'm working to get my first book ready to publish. Self-editing the manuscript right now. I have a full-time job so I just squeeze writing into every empty spot I can find. I also joined a Writing Academy online, "Flourishwriters.com", through which I have learned a lot from talented people. I feel like I am doing what I was made to do.
Don't sell yourself short--succeeding at school and raising kids are real jobs. As far as your ambition to write is concerned, try thinking of it one tiny step at a time, instead of as a massive, overwhelming project. Even the most mundane steps, like setting up a work area, making sure your printer has paper, or sitting down for a half hour or an hour a day to get your thoughts organized and type up some ideas or an outline, will help get you started. Just do something, and think of each little thing as a step toward your goal.
So much of this resonated with me. I, too, inadvertently dismissed talents and opportunities just because I let the flow of life keep me distracted. The point you make on Scripture - I have found that the wisdom in those words has helped me to be autonomous in a new way. Scripture has confirmed so many of my own long held values and beliefs about humankind, and it has also challenged me in many ways. This all has helped me to stand firmer, grow in confidence, know myself better, be a better ME... Wish I had come to better understanding of Scripture sooner, as I would have been a better adult a long time ago.
"I have found that the wisdom in those words has helped me to be autonomous in a new way" -- YES. It IS a kind of autonomy! It's autonomy that comes from knowing that you are not on your path alone, which frees you from quite a bit of fear and the need to control.
I am convinced that the single most damaging element of modern life is the relentless decoupling of us from one another. Atomizing individuals so they marinate in their individuality only results in everybody curdling in their own juices. Each of us *must* connect (and constantly reconnect) with broader humanity and find the common threads that truly bind us.
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35-39).
As you set out on the way to Ithaca hope that the road is a long one, filled with adventures, filled with discoveries. The Laestrygonians and the Cyclopes, Poseidon in his anger: do not fear them, you won’t find such things on your way so long as your thoughts remain lofty, and a choice emotion touches your spirit and your body. The Laestrygonians and the Cyclopes, savage Poseidon; you won’t encounter them unless you stow them away inside your soul, unless your soul sets them up before you.
Hope that the road is a long one. Many may the summer mornings be when—with what pleasure, with what joy— you first put in to harbors new to your eyes; may you stop at Phoenician trading posts and there acquire the finest wares: mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony, and heady perfumes of every kind: as many heady perfumes as you can. Many Egyptian cities may you visit That you may learn, and go on learning, from their sages.
Always in your mind keep Ithaca. To arrive there is your destiny. But do not hurry your trip in any way. Better that it last for many years; that you drop anchor at the island an old man, rich with all you’ve gotten on the way, not expecting Ithaca to make you rich.
Ithaca gave you the beautiful journey; without her you wouldn’t have set upon the road. But now she has nothing left to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca didn’t deceive you. As wise as you will have become, with so much experience, you will understand, by then, these Ithacas; what they mean.
I loved this piece, Jenny. I am a regular listener to Jordan Peterson's podcast. His shows and the guests he interviews stretch my mind in new ways. I feel smarter having listened to his work! So interesting to know more about Tammy. Especially her spiritual journey.
Thank you for being honest and vulnerable in this piece. I applaud your open heart to God. You are so not alone in what you have shared. I think it is how every human being feels without God and the truth of His Word in their lives. How else should we feel cut off from the source of our life?
I trusted in Christ for eternal (John 3:16) when I was 22 years old. Even by that young age, I had run out of resources for life and had become destructive to myself and others. I had no roadmap for life. Al that changed the day I met Christ.
I still struggle with belief -- and I would not dare to call myself Christian as that is so big. BUT, cut off from the source of life is a very good phrase, and to me the source of life is not just a God but our ancestors, our common human patrimony, our millennia long ability to survive and nurture that we are currently ripping to shreds. It is rending our whole societies totally psychotic, and there is such a salve in going back to that ancient practice of worship. Thanks for sharing a bit about your own experience. Very interesting.
This is quite profound, Jenny, and shows me once again that you are my people. I'm a 12-step recovery guy, since 2005, and I find similar meaning to what you describe through Freemasonry. I've actually just written a short piece that I'm in the process of editing; it describes the toast that I delivered at my installation ceremony last week, in which I compared the similarities I've always felt between AA and Freemasonry. The toast bombed—I was in a room filled with whisky-drinking men after all—but I've made peace with that, largely discovered through my writing.
The very notion that we are but temporary conduits of something greater helps me every day, but it does give help me when I hear the same message from others, as I have heard from you today. Thank you for what you do.
Yes, I have read some of your pieces on your Substack, which I appreciate for their honesty in detailing the ups and downs and run of the mill stuff which make up our lives. 12 step has saved so many people close to me! Congratulations on your installation!
Jenny, good, as usual. Those of us who are naturally curious cat-like will toy with the rags and tags of experience. Like gaudy garments, we'll try some on, and decide they're not for us. Others, we'll find more attractive, but eventually they end up nearly forgotten in the back of our life's closet. All the time, we are meandering among the highs and lows of our lives. Some of us accomplish great things. Some of us are cursed with talent – able to recognize genius but not attain it. Some of us live those unrecognized lives of aspirations beyond our means. And most of us most of the time just live from moment to moment.
To me, the one aspiration we all can share and achieve is to have a positive impact. Is someone else's life better for me being here? Is my world a little cleaner? Is there a little more reason for someone to smile? Or, perhaps more modestly, can I stand to look at myself in the mirror each morning? Yes, there will always be unrealized ambitions, roads not taken, but those we need to ignore. Better to look back down the roads we have taken and say "I have been there, and it's good."
I am someone who has been questioning my atheism for some time now and your writing really strikes a chord with me. It feels like I'm surrounded by chaos and it's terrifying. Could belief in a higher power and participation in the community of a religion bring comfort and meaning. I'm tempted to say yes, but like you I feel a strong sense of independence and letting go is difficult and I'm not sure I know how to do it.
I remember thinking when I was about 10, I wish I could just be a B-C student so no one would expect me to achieve. I went on to live up to my parents' expectations. Almost a half century later, with both a B.A. and an M.D. (orthopaedic surgery, orthopaedic trauma surgery, and hand and microvascular surgery), I still wonder what it would be like to live a life that doesn't carry so much responsibility with every decision I make. The scene in American Beauty, where he is applying for a job at the fast food restaurant, is one of my favorites. "No, I'd like the job with the LEAST amount of responsibility." The grass isn't always greener.
I can so relate. As somebody who was a licensed attorney for many years (now on retired status) and who has a master's degree and other graduate courses, but who often chose to work in jobs that could have been handled just as well by an intelligent person with far less formal education, I very much get it.
Plastic surgery. I used the same line many times before retiring a year ago.
How is it going? I've got about 8 years to go...
I love retirement. My world is largely my PC screen and my books. I can explore what interests me. No trying to impress a professor or a boss or anybody else or to fit into an organization.
I can hardly wait!
Whoa. You helped me to get inside the head of my perfectionist daughter who feels she must do a bunch of shit to impress people (the apple fell far, far from this particular tree--ha!ha!). I can remember, in seventh grade, suddenly having an insight: "Oh my god. They're attempting to control all of us!" That was when I quit playing the game of competition with my egg-head friends, trying to see which of us would get the most 100's on our tests. My friends thought I was absolutely crazy, but from that point on I decided that no one was going to control me. After that, I only read what I wanted to read, didn't bother so much with memorization (unless it was something that truly interested me), and I floated by making A's and B's (and then mainly B's and C's in college). Not until I got to seminary (where the grades were only pass/fail) did I work my butt off, but at that point, for the first time, I was studying what I truly wanted to learn, and I was jazzed like hell over my coarse work (even though I also knew that I had absolutely NO INTEREST in becoming a minister or chaplain). I think, though, what got me on this track of not giving a shit what others in this world think is that, beginning at age seven, I began having "conversations" with "God." Yeah, I know. It's the kind of thing I quickly learned you need to keep to yourself (ha!ha!). But, at that time, God became (in my mind) my best bud and I only wanted to please "Him" (as a little girl I believed God was the old man in the sky with the long white hair and the long white beard, and that "He" talked to me via my "God Radio" in my heart). My beliefs about the Higher Power of Love have changed greatly over the years, and my names for God vary from day to day; but God's still my best bud and I only want to make sure I'm living in a way that's pleasing to the Source of Love. I do believe in an afterlife, and I do believe that, during our life review, we will suffer the pain of seeing all the wrong we've done to others (minor or major). And, I'm one of those weirdos who also has "past-life memories," so I carry my current sense of self very lightly upon my shoulders because I still remember what it was like, in "past lives," being someone other than my current self. I like to think of my current self as a sort of avatar. : )
That's fascinating! I enjoy the idea of past lives very much -- but certainly have no inkling what mine may have been!
It's fun to fantasize about past lives (like a proper girl being reincarnated from Queen Victoria or something) but, in reality, we only get one life, after which there is eternity.
"...people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment..." (Hebrews 9:27)
Some of us see the Bible as God's Word as it has been filtered through and interpreted by a large collection human males who used to wield a lot of religious power in this world. I love the Bible and find a lot of Truth in the Good Book, but we're all Children of God. All of our voices deserve to be heard, not just the ones that have been placed on a Holy Pedestal by a large body of male religious leaders who wanted to keep women's mouths shut and maintain the power they had accumulated for themselves.
You are correct that there have been a lot of abuses by men in power (and women in power such as nuns who may not have had much power in the church structure but who had plenty of power in their own classrooms). Jesus was not a fan of religiosity that did not really follow God (his phrase "you brood of vipers" comes to mind). Certainly, there have been a lot of flawed interpretations of Scripture around. We are all created in the image of God as recorded in Genesis but to be children of God we must choose to follow God (and not a god of our imagination but God as he has chosen to reveal himself in Scripture). There are some difficult passages in Scripture to be sure, but they can be understood in the context of all of Scripture which is why prayerful study asking the Holy Spirit to help us understand is essential.
"... which is why prayerful study asking the Holy Spirit to help us understand is essential." I agree. It's known as the "Lectio Divina" form of Bible reading. It really helps to make the Bible come alive when you surrender your reading and interpretation of biblical scripture into God's hands, asking the Holy Spirit to guide you as you read (but you also have to release all the ways your church taught you to interpret passages of the Bible when you were growing up). I think studying both Greek and Hebrew helps to make the Bible come alive (I think all churches should teach Greek and Hebrew in the Sunday-school classes). Greek and Hebrew passages can often be translated in very different ways. However, if you really want to take a rabbit dive into biblical exegesis, you'll discover that there are actually many, many different historical versions of the same books from the Bible (all with their own slight variations). It's easy to understand how this happened. All those many, many monks who, centuries ago, spent so much time transcribing the books of the Bible by hand (oftentimes with not enough light), would sometimes make a mistake here and there (and maybe sometimes they were ordered by their superior to add or subtract a word, or a phrase, or an entire sentence in a particular passage..., in order to make it clear "what God wanted the passage to be"). The original letters of Paul, for instance, did not initially contain the anti-woman stuff in them (e.g., that rude line, "Women should remain silent in the churches," from 1 Corinthians). I used to get SO angry with that piece of scripture, but seminary allowed me to take a chill pill concerning the letters of Paul. I actually like him a lot now. : )
A lot of the passages that look sexist at first glance were written in a particular context as a reaction to anything from followers of false goddesses (and a false goddess is just as dangerous as a false god) showing up in church to women who had never had an opportunity for education talking in church at inappropriate times. But if one reads the whole of Scripture, it says, "So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ Jesus have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female for you are all one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3:26-28 )
Which is why we need to do our very best to love each other.
Past lives? Most people seem to have been ancient Egyptian princesses or the like. I think I was a shoe salesman in early 20th century Fresno.
Thanks so much for mentioning my interview with Tammy Peterson! She inspired me to a memory about my mother, and am ever grateful for that. Also her willingness to speak about her doubts, from her secured spirituality now is truly a blessing. We did record a second interview, which her producer Ian will edit and post sometime in the next months. Be well, everyone--we must find our strength as our time demands it.
You are welcome! And yes, it was very helpful to hear the same doubts from someone who -- in conventional terms -- was "lucky" or "successful." Such a good lesson that it's not really about who gets what, and what that means. We all share the same insecurities. When it comes to things like writing or sharing your ideas, you work not for the success, but for the work itself.
Lovely piece. Relatedly, I'm so glad that I'm too old for anybody to ask me what I want to do when I grow up. I always hated that question. "Those are good grades. What are you going to do with them?" Oh no. No idea. Probably not much, despite a lot of hard work.
I always had an answer but inside I didn't really believe what I was saying.
yes, there are many people who recoil at the idea of surrendering oneself to a Higher Power, feeling that this somehow makes them a slave when the truth is quite the opposite. surrendering one's will to God is the ultimate freedom...
For the first time in my life, I'm just beginning to understand that. Baby steps.
glad to hear!
I struggled with this at first because I thought it meant giving up autonomy. what was really going on tho, was I was realizing that I was never really in control; that control is an illusion. and my addiction was a hollow attempt at managing my feelings and thoughts. I was slowly letting go of the helm of a ship headed for the rocks, haha.
being in recovery is humbling in the most sublime way...
My goal for my whole life has been to write fiction. However, I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, and I'm still working on finding practical solutions that will help me not waste time. I can't figure out when it's okay to cut myself some slack - because, hey, I have a disability - and when I need to keep pushing myself.
I "should" have a book finished by now. I'm a stay-at-home mom and both of my kids are in school full-time now. But I'm held back by the never-ending mess in my house, and by a sense of unworthiness. I don't doubt that I'm a good writer, but I do doubt that I'm capable of doing something as "adult" as writing and finishing an entire book. I'm a licensed attorney, but due to a perfect storm of factors - familial wealth, bad job market, getting pregnant when I got pregnant - I've never had a paying job in my whole life. No, not even retail or fast food. Sometimes I don't care, but sometimes I feel like I'm not a real adult and I haven't lived a real adult life, and that it'll be obvious to other people.
I don't have a problem believing in a higher power. I'm just not always convinced that the higher power likes me.
"I'm just not always convinced that the higher power likes me." -- well that is similar to my own personal persecution complex, and a few years ago I realised I had not had a "real" job in 10 years and I was absolutely crushed. I felt like such a loser. I personally believe that raising a child/children is far, far, FAR more important than any paying job could ever be, unless you are CEO of a huge corporation or the president or something. But I suspect that won't help you feel much better in those moments when it just doesn't feel good enough. Being able to bring order to your life and home are surprisingly hard to do, and I'm only *just* making first steps towards prioritising that as it makes a huge difference to my overall mood. When I was in my 30's literally none of this had ever occurred to me - I just felt like I had been locked out and I grieved. Solutions have a way of presenting themselves, over time. Thank you for sharing, I'm honoured.
Truly, being a parent is the most important job you will ever do. I know it doesn’t always feel that way though. Unfortunately its one of the jobs most undervalued by modern society.
“Being able to bring order to your life and home are surprisingly hard to do, and I'm only *just* making first steps towards prioritising that as it makes a huge difference to my overall mood.”
Yeah, it really does make a big difference. Isn’t one of Jordan Peterson’s pieces of advice that you should have one beautiful room in your house?
“Solutions have a way of presenting themselves, over time. Thank you for sharing, I'm honoured.”
And thank you for listening. It really means a lot.
By getting through law school and passing the bar examination, you have already proven (if any proof was necessary) that you can get stuff done. And many lawyers would envy your never having had a paying job. There are a lot of unhappy lawyers in jobs they can't stand. And being a stay-at-home mom is often more of a job than paid employment. Your book will flow when the time is right. Be kind to yourself.
It took me three tries to pass the bar exam, but I did indeed do it. Kind of like “My Cousin Vinny.” 😂
Thank you so much.
Passing the bar exam is a challenge. I have known very smart people who passed after a trial run or two.
He loves you, Mara!! John 3:16.
Write your book, Mara!
I'm working to get my first book ready to publish. Self-editing the manuscript right now. I have a full-time job so I just squeeze writing into every empty spot I can find. I also joined a Writing Academy online, "Flourishwriters.com", through which I have learned a lot from talented people. I feel like I am doing what I was made to do.
All the best,
Nancy
Thanks. I really appreciate it. 🙂
Don't sell yourself short--succeeding at school and raising kids are real jobs. As far as your ambition to write is concerned, try thinking of it one tiny step at a time, instead of as a massive, overwhelming project. Even the most mundane steps, like setting up a work area, making sure your printer has paper, or sitting down for a half hour or an hour a day to get your thoughts organized and type up some ideas or an outline, will help get you started. Just do something, and think of each little thing as a step toward your goal.
Thanks. 🙂 I really do need to devote time every day to it, even if it’s only half an hour.
Think of each thing, no matter how small, as a step toward your goal. It sounds trivial, but I've found it to be helpful.
So much of this resonated with me. I, too, inadvertently dismissed talents and opportunities just because I let the flow of life keep me distracted. The point you make on Scripture - I have found that the wisdom in those words has helped me to be autonomous in a new way. Scripture has confirmed so many of my own long held values and beliefs about humankind, and it has also challenged me in many ways. This all has helped me to stand firmer, grow in confidence, know myself better, be a better ME... Wish I had come to better understanding of Scripture sooner, as I would have been a better adult a long time ago.
"I have found that the wisdom in those words has helped me to be autonomous in a new way" -- YES. It IS a kind of autonomy! It's autonomy that comes from knowing that you are not on your path alone, which frees you from quite a bit of fear and the need to control.
" Wish I had come to better understanding of Scripture sooner, as I would have been a better adult a long time ago".
So well said. Same for me.
I am convinced that the single most damaging element of modern life is the relentless decoupling of us from one another. Atomizing individuals so they marinate in their individuality only results in everybody curdling in their own juices. Each of us *must* connect (and constantly reconnect) with broader humanity and find the common threads that truly bind us.
Yes. The hour is late.
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35-39).
Ithaca - by Constantine Cavafy
As you set out on the way to Ithaca hope that the road is a long one, filled with adventures, filled with discoveries. The Laestrygonians and the Cyclopes, Poseidon in his anger: do not fear them, you won’t find such things on your way so long as your thoughts remain lofty, and a choice emotion touches your spirit and your body. The Laestrygonians and the Cyclopes, savage Poseidon; you won’t encounter them unless you stow them away inside your soul, unless your soul sets them up before you.
Hope that the road is a long one. Many may the summer mornings be when—with what pleasure, with what joy— you first put in to harbors new to your eyes; may you stop at Phoenician trading posts and there acquire the finest wares: mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony, and heady perfumes of every kind: as many heady perfumes as you can. Many Egyptian cities may you visit That you may learn, and go on learning, from their sages.
Always in your mind keep Ithaca. To arrive there is your destiny. But do not hurry your trip in any way. Better that it last for many years; that you drop anchor at the island an old man, rich with all you’ve gotten on the way, not expecting Ithaca to make you rich.
Ithaca gave you the beautiful journey; without her you wouldn’t have set upon the road. But now she has nothing left to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca didn’t deceive you. As wise as you will have become, with so much experience, you will understand, by then, these Ithacas; what they mean.
Beautiful!
I loved this piece, Jenny. I am a regular listener to Jordan Peterson's podcast. His shows and the guests he interviews stretch my mind in new ways. I feel smarter having listened to his work! So interesting to know more about Tammy. Especially her spiritual journey.
Thank you for being honest and vulnerable in this piece. I applaud your open heart to God. You are so not alone in what you have shared. I think it is how every human being feels without God and the truth of His Word in their lives. How else should we feel cut off from the source of our life?
I trusted in Christ for eternal (John 3:16) when I was 22 years old. Even by that young age, I had run out of resources for life and had become destructive to myself and others. I had no roadmap for life. Al that changed the day I met Christ.
Keep writing, Jenny. I love your work.
Nancy Rempel
I still struggle with belief -- and I would not dare to call myself Christian as that is so big. BUT, cut off from the source of life is a very good phrase, and to me the source of life is not just a God but our ancestors, our common human patrimony, our millennia long ability to survive and nurture that we are currently ripping to shreds. It is rending our whole societies totally psychotic, and there is such a salve in going back to that ancient practice of worship. Thanks for sharing a bit about your own experience. Very interesting.
This is quite profound, Jenny, and shows me once again that you are my people. I'm a 12-step recovery guy, since 2005, and I find similar meaning to what you describe through Freemasonry. I've actually just written a short piece that I'm in the process of editing; it describes the toast that I delivered at my installation ceremony last week, in which I compared the similarities I've always felt between AA and Freemasonry. The toast bombed—I was in a room filled with whisky-drinking men after all—but I've made peace with that, largely discovered through my writing.
The very notion that we are but temporary conduits of something greater helps me every day, but it does give help me when I hear the same message from others, as I have heard from you today. Thank you for what you do.
Yes, I have read some of your pieces on your Substack, which I appreciate for their honesty in detailing the ups and downs and run of the mill stuff which make up our lives. 12 step has saved so many people close to me! Congratulations on your installation!
Jenny, good, as usual. Those of us who are naturally curious cat-like will toy with the rags and tags of experience. Like gaudy garments, we'll try some on, and decide they're not for us. Others, we'll find more attractive, but eventually they end up nearly forgotten in the back of our life's closet. All the time, we are meandering among the highs and lows of our lives. Some of us accomplish great things. Some of us are cursed with talent – able to recognize genius but not attain it. Some of us live those unrecognized lives of aspirations beyond our means. And most of us most of the time just live from moment to moment.
To me, the one aspiration we all can share and achieve is to have a positive impact. Is someone else's life better for me being here? Is my world a little cleaner? Is there a little more reason for someone to smile? Or, perhaps more modestly, can I stand to look at myself in the mirror each morning? Yes, there will always be unrealized ambitions, roads not taken, but those we need to ignore. Better to look back down the roads we have taken and say "I have been there, and it's good."
How lovely. Thank you.
You are such a beautiful writer, Jenny. I particularly liked your simile of Peterson gestures as akin to the playing of a Harp. Dazzling stuff!! 🎶
Well said. A great team can sometimes create a synergy far more powerful than the sum of its’ parts.
I am someone who has been questioning my atheism for some time now and your writing really strikes a chord with me. It feels like I'm surrounded by chaos and it's terrifying. Could belief in a higher power and participation in the community of a religion bring comfort and meaning. I'm tempted to say yes, but like you I feel a strong sense of independence and letting go is difficult and I'm not sure I know how to do it.
Oh my god, I know *exactly* what you mean re the attachment to independence and letting go. Really like the way you articulated that.