The power of no.

This week a video made the rounds of my social media, of a thirty-something white woman lecturing people on TikTok. Nothing new there, I hear you say! This particular lecture was informing us ladies that, should we object to our new moniker of ‘cis-woman,’ that objection is rooted in white supremacy.

She leans in close with her big fleshy face.

“Ooo boy! White cis women, we need to talk. Take a deep breath, and let’s talk. Some of you just now reacted to my saying ‘cis.’ That defensiveness comes from white supremacy culture. It’s ok to be all up in your feelings like that. But it’s not ok to use your feelings as an excuse to harm others.”

Only when we have addressed the underlying thought that caused those feelings, she says, “will we be in a position to respond appropriately.” 

I mean, ok, yawn. We have been hearing this drivel for quite a few years now. I have no need or desire to take this dumb, manipulative opinion seriously enough to rebut it with a counterargument. I’ll let this meme do my talking.

Instead, if I were speaking directly to her and her fellow deranged neo-Maoists whose souls have been cannibalised by this cultural virus, this is what I would say: 

You are not correct.

You are not well-informed.

You are not special.

You do not know my mind.

You do not represent me.

You do not possess some special knowledge that gives you license to lecture me.

You do not possess a higher status that gives you authority to tell me how to feel.

You do not get to violate my boundaries or my moral code.

You do not get to decide what is appropriate for me.

You do not get to police my language or my thoughts.

You are not exempt from criticism.

You are not exempt from scrutiny.

You are not exempt from mockery. 

You are not exempt from accountability.

I am under no obligation to agree with you.

I am under no obligation to listen to you.

I am under no obligation to defend my views to you.

I am under no obligation to take you seriously.

I am under no obligation to like you.

I am under no obligation to respect you, or your pronouns.

I have seen innumerable versions of this woman in the last few years, including some I know personally. The common denominator between them is a total lack of perspective about themselves and their importance - or lack thereof. They always remind me of sheltered, bratty, spoiled teens who have never had an adult stand up to them and put them in their place. They show signs of having been universally fawned over, as if they grew up with parents for whom the word no was verboten, tantamount to an act of abuse. At the risk of overgeneralising, this a defining trait of Millennials, who are now well into adulthood and in some cases approaching middle age. The mixture of entitlement with their lack of understanding of and curiosity about how the world really works is particularly toxic in a generation of adults.

I am tired of the adults constantly being on the back foot against these deranged mini-tyrants. So I think these things need to be spelled out, made explicit, said out loud.

And more and more, the tyrants are not so mini. The same audacity displayed by this woman scolding us on TikTok is shown by the men in drag who are filling up my Twitter and Instagram with preening videos of themselves, pretending they could “steal” women’s husbands. The sickly sweet fakery is just an attempt to disguise the malevolence that motivates them. The dishonest claim that they just want to be our friend, they just want to help, they just want to understand — that escalates to: they just want to use our bathroom. They just want to compete in our sports and change in our changing rooms. They just want to read a story to our little kids. They just want to share our prison cells. And on and on and on.

But no. Just no.

Those of us who are still in possession of our souls, we see these demons. And we will speak accordingly.