Remember last week when I wrote that death had been stalking the outer circles of my acquaintances? Well, this week it arrived at my door. On Monday I found out that my son’s father, my ex-husband, had died suddenly at age 50, in his sleep. The most surprising thing about experiencing the death of an ex-spouse is just how devastating it is. Not that I thought a person would shrug it off, nonchalant, like “eh, I ditched that guy years ago.” But it turns out, when you vow to love and cherish someone until death do you part, those words remain true even if the physical parting happened years before.
I am genuinely sorry to read about your and your sons’ loss. Thank you for rising above the pain of divorce and sharing with us your thoughts and emotions. Your son’s respect and love for you will only grow from your willingness to be honest, faithful and true to the acknowledgment of your love for his father and your son during that stage of his life. Those memories should never be forgotten because they are an important part of your son’s life as. There are happy times in that past that is important for your son to know and remember and feel at ease to talk about openly. I guess what I’m trying to say is the importance of the relationship the “three” of you had together cannot be denied as it’s a part of who your son is today as well as you. What you wrote and what you truly feel is an example of true love and respect for both your son and your ex husband. You and your ex husband were “one” for a time and that can never be removed. As “God created beings”, these things called love and forgiveness are gifts from God, our creator, gifts that He perfectly possesses and passed on to us as His perfect creation. Love cannot be learned, it’s an inherent part of us, an internal unending craving. Humans and human love can be damaged but the perfect love of God cannot and has never failed. He never stops loving us. His love for us is our example. Our love is God’s love personified. It’s what makes us weep, cry, laugh, feel joy, brokenness, happiness, forgiveness and an unending number of other emotions. We are nothing but wild animals without love. There is no morality without love. Remember my previous comment on morality?
Again, I’m no one. I’ve never really expressed these thoughts out loud complete before or really thought this out to myself completely. I’m only writing what comes to my mind, from my own observations of life and death and in response to my emotions while reading your post. I’m not some great Christian, I’m not a theologian, I’m just a guy that believes in and doesn’t deny the reality that is so clear to me, if I deny my ego.
Life is a very fragile thing and when we start to lose those close to us, it makes us think deeper about its meaning and purpose. Believe me, I know. Regrets? Yes. But don’t we all.
Lots of love and all the best to you and your son, from me.
Hi Ms Holland, I’m shocked and devastated to learn that Chris passed. I was a roommate of his at RISD. He was a great friend and a passionate artist. Unfortunately we lost touch after we both moved out to NYC…but I still have a few of his letters. If your son is ever interested please let him know that they are available to him. Regards, Eugene L
Wow, age 50. We never know when our transition to eternity will happen. As Scripture says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." (1 Corinthians 2:9)
I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bad news! It’s kind of extraordinary that you stumbled upon this essay! Thanks for your kind words. I’m taking our son to Madison on Monday.
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I believe I may have been a childhood friend of Chris'. Was he raised in Connecticut? If so, I am heart broken. Thank you. Meredith B.
I am genuinely sorry to read about your and your sons’ loss. Thank you for rising above the pain of divorce and sharing with us your thoughts and emotions. Your son’s respect and love for you will only grow from your willingness to be honest, faithful and true to the acknowledgment of your love for his father and your son during that stage of his life. Those memories should never be forgotten because they are an important part of your son’s life as. There are happy times in that past that is important for your son to know and remember and feel at ease to talk about openly. I guess what I’m trying to say is the importance of the relationship the “three” of you had together cannot be denied as it’s a part of who your son is today as well as you. What you wrote and what you truly feel is an example of true love and respect for both your son and your ex husband. You and your ex husband were “one” for a time and that can never be removed. As “God created beings”, these things called love and forgiveness are gifts from God, our creator, gifts that He perfectly possesses and passed on to us as His perfect creation. Love cannot be learned, it’s an inherent part of us, an internal unending craving. Humans and human love can be damaged but the perfect love of God cannot and has never failed. He never stops loving us. His love for us is our example. Our love is God’s love personified. It’s what makes us weep, cry, laugh, feel joy, brokenness, happiness, forgiveness and an unending number of other emotions. We are nothing but wild animals without love. There is no morality without love. Remember my previous comment on morality?
Again, I’m no one. I’ve never really expressed these thoughts out loud complete before or really thought this out to myself completely. I’m only writing what comes to my mind, from my own observations of life and death and in response to my emotions while reading your post. I’m not some great Christian, I’m not a theologian, I’m just a guy that believes in and doesn’t deny the reality that is so clear to me, if I deny my ego.
Life is a very fragile thing and when we start to lose those close to us, it makes us think deeper about its meaning and purpose. Believe me, I know. Regrets? Yes. But don’t we all.
Lots of love and all the best to you and your son, from me.
Eric
Beautiful tribute. May his memory be a blessing.
Hi Ms Holland, I’m shocked and devastated to learn that Chris passed. I was a roommate of his at RISD. He was a great friend and a passionate artist. Unfortunately we lost touch after we both moved out to NYC…but I still have a few of his letters. If your son is ever interested please let him know that they are available to him. Regards, Eugene L
So sorry for your loss Jenny! All the best!
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.
Your son will have an angel guarding him for the whole of his life. My sincere condolences.
Wow, age 50. We never know when our transition to eternity will happen. As Scripture says, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." (1 Corinthians 2:9)
So sorry to hear this Jenny.
Beautiful
The path to longevity is paved with forgiveness...love will always transcend.
Very sorry for your loss. May the angels bear him home, and his son always remember his father with love.
Beautiful, thank you for writing this.
I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bad news! It’s kind of extraordinary that you stumbled upon this essay! Thanks for your kind words. I’m taking our son to Madison on Monday.
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I believe I may have been a childhood friend of Chris'. Was he raised in Connecticut? If so, I am heart broken. Thank you. Meredith B.