The U. S. of GAY

How much enthusiasm, exactly, I am obliged to display for gay sex? Judging by the rainbow-corporate-government fusion, I think it’s a lot.

Warning: this essay is rated M for mature. Very crude language contained herein.

I’m going to do something this week that I don’t normally do, and that is write my Substack on the same topic that I wrote about this week for another publication. Events have just taken such a ludicrous turn, it’s quite clear we now live in an absurdist satire and I — for one — simply cannot pass up an opportunity to match the terribly poor taste of our current culture with some poor taste  satire of my own. 

This week the Biden White House hung the “Progress Pride” flag from the portico of the White House, in between two American flags. The Biden administration also held an event at which a be-titted man flashed his plastic funbags in front of the White House and posted it on Instagram. While I appreciate the high levels of craftsmanship from whoever that guy’s plastic surgeon is, the fact that our child-sniffing president hung a flag that represents a rather niche set of sexual practices alongside Old Glory is rather more significant. 

Credit: Fox News

I’m old enough to remember when being a gay male teen was an actual problem that you had to hide from your peers and family. If my own experience is anything to go by, what used to happen is that many gay boys found maybe one or two female friends who understood and sympathised with their predicament, and who would have defended them to the death, and just waited it out until such time as they could all move to a big city where everyone could be free. It was an imperfect system, I’ll admit. 

But something odd has happened in the last couple of years, and I cannot help but notice. Explicit sexual behaviour of all inclinations has become something that our cultural and political and corporate elites want to shove in our faces, in our kids faces, all the time. Places like the office or the classroom, where you were once supposed to keep mum about your fave sex games, it is now considered normal to let your freak flag fly, gay or straight. Since June is now Pride month, this weird focus has culminated in the sexual desires of gay men being honoured by the actual White House.

It’s become something akin to a new Anglo religion. And something I don’t understand is — why is everyone just passing over the fact that what we are reverently celebrating for the whole month (!) of Pride is actually a bunch of sex acts. And yes, as it is with most sexual activity, those sex acts can lead to emotional bonding and romantic love, and people fall in love with who they fall in love with. They should be left alone to do so, and mazel tov to them. And there are plenty of gays and lesbians who find this sudden elevation of “Pride” to be weird and unsettling — American reporter Emma Jo Morris wrote that it “cheapens the struggle gays faced for civil rights, and Douglas Murray objected to the narcissistic tackiness of it all. 

But how come all the straight normies are all awkwardly pretending that this whole thing isn’t about sex? I mean, I don’t normally celebrate anal play and blow jobs in public, around colleagues and such, and if I did I think it would make Bob in accounting kind of uncomfortable. But then Pride comes along and wham! Suddenly men in bondage gear and gimp masks are appropriate role models for children.

To paraphrase the racism scene in Father Ted: “Are we all to be gay now, Father?” And if so, how much enthusiasm, exactly, I am obliged to display? Judging by the rainbow-corporate-government fusion, I think it’s a lot. I look forward to the next corporate retreat when we are all forced to taste different lubes. Strawberry is my favourite! 

In fact, I suggest all us straights just give in to the gay, already. I mean, we’ve had our time. Let’s pass the torch to a fabulous drag queen and just let him spread his sequinned ass cheeks for our kids. Who needs childhood innocence? Who needs to learn to read and write when there’s a whole world of butt plugs to learn about? I mean, does the younger generation really need functioning rectums? Smash that back door all you want, kids! 

Mind, when I say gay I’m not talking about those boring old lesbians. They are a total buzz kill, with their bigoted refusal to take lady dick! And their style! It’s suspiciously lacking in eye shadow, stripper heels and sparkles. I’m talking about the fun gays, who now seem to be running everything — from Bud Light to Lockheed Martin to the Biden administration. Those guys are our new priest class (and they’re even gayer than the old one lol).

First thing the new gay world order should do is rewrite some fusty old tunes. I’ll start, inspired by our new gay White House. 

My country tits of thee

Sweet land of sodomy

For thee I swing

Land where the queers all stride

Land of the drag queens pride

Let’s open our mouths wide

Let ball gags in

I jest. Kind of. As I was working on this essay, I read that Fox News is encouraging employees to familiarise themselves with glory holes, and has developed an AI platform to monitor employee enthusiasm for their diversity and inclusion initiatives! So actually this isn’t a joke at all! Ha ha ha.

Never mind, we can still laugh — all the way to the gay gulag. 

In all seriousness, I cannot and do not blame the gays for the establishment of this new religion. Like the rest of imperfect humanity, they are being used as tools - and not the fun kind. (Sorry boys.)

This unrelenting focus on sex — both of the straight and gay variety — is not mere frivolity. It’s not just a fashion, or a youthful trend. It’s certainly not monopoly capital trying to be nice. It’s an assault on maturity. And it destabilises all of society. You cannot concentrate, you cannot get work done, you cannot make sound decisions when in the grip of sexual obsession. Is it just a coincidence that the American education system seems hell-bent on remaking its curriculum to be entirely about sex and interpersonal relationships? (See Social and Emotional Learning for more info).

Porn is the new bread and circuses, and this guy almost gets it.

Even more importantly, Pride also a demoralisation exercise, because deep down inside even the most rainbow-addled liberal try-hard knows that this just isn’t kosher. Sex is supposed to be private, circumscribed by good judgement. It’s not supposed to be whatever this nonsense is.

And when I say it’s a demoralisation and destabilisation exercise — that’s not my opinion. That’s the opinion of the mandarins of this new priest class, the queer theorists who have colonised academic education pedagogy. For example, Hannah Dyer, an academic and author of a book called The Queer Aesthetics of Childhood: Asymmetries of Innocence and the Cultural Politics of Child Development, has written: “I dwell on the contradiction that results from the synchronous assumptions of the child's a-sexuality and proto-heterosexuality to show how emphasising sexuality within a discussion of children's education is constructive.”

In plain English, she wants to sexualise kids and turn them gay, through the schools.

Elsewhere, Dyer (who is currently studying the “sonic frequencies of queer childhood”) said the quiet part out loud: “better to understand queerness as that which is destructive to the social order and in contradiction to reproductive futurity.” 

Yes, this word salad is the epitome of intellectual self-indulgence. But it’s also intended, on the part of a significant number of our intelligentsia, as an attack on everyone who does not feel driven to destroy society. 

So Pride is not about men loving men and women loving women. Pride is now queer, which means it’s about making a display of power to kids and their boring, straight, parents, to cow them into accepting this new, dark, morality.

So we are faced with a tricky task here. We must do two contradictory things at once: take these predators seriously, but also just take the absolute piss out of them. For as long as we still can.