Darkness into light

The shortest day of the year is behind us, Christmas is two days away -- light is returning.

I’m not going to lie — 2024 was for me, personally, a bit of a tough one. Here on Substack it was much better (thanks everyone!), but privately there have been quite a few ups and downs and the return of some old ghosts that I thought had moved on to haunt someone else.

Having said that, I had many wonderful moments with new friends, enjoyed more time with my extended family than I had in years, and everyone in my immediate family has faced big changes and challenges with reflection and grace. And my new practice of (almost) daily prayer has contributed vastly to my own personal resilience. So on balance, I am more grateful than perhaps I have ever been.

Happiness really is in the details. For example, yesterday morning I was walking my dogs in the bitter, wet, northern Irish cold. Big dark clouds loomed over the hills, and would occasionally dump mini rainstorms before moving on and letting the sun out again. My dogs were happily sniffing the muddy ground and I was listening to what I think is the most poignant song ever written: Across the Universe by the Beatles. The line “nothing’s gonna change my world” always kills me. Such a hopeful, well-intended lie. A comforting thing we say to ourselves even when we know it’s not true. It’s a kind of necessary self-delusion.

Half way across the field, I could see a group of about six people — bundled up so that I could not really tell their age — practicing martial arts of some kind. Their movements were slow and deliberate, almost like a dance. But what struck me was how delighted they were in their activity. Big, beaming, smiles. Almost holy. As I drove away, I saw them sharing a flask of tea in the parking lot and cheers-ing each other, delighted.

This will be my final Substack of 2024. See you all in 2025 — but don’t forget I will still be posting on Notes and will be available on the Chat.

Merry Christmas everyone!