Billie Eilish is all grown up and just as confused as the rest of the women on the Internet

Yet again, sexual exhibitionist women on social media decry women being sexualised on social media. Which makes me wonder: can you be raped at an orgy?

I find celebrities who are obviously uncomfortable with their fame irritating. I want to ask them, why did you go through all that effort to get famous if you were going to deflect every reference to your beauty or talent and conduct yourself without a single ounce of panache? You’re an entertainer, goddamit! Embrace the entertaining part, have some flair.

I feel this way about the tiny baby pop star Billie Eilish. Her obvious discomfort with being famous makes her uncomfortable to watch. But she is interesting because she embodies the cognitive dissonance of sexual politics in our breathtakingly confused age. 

A few weeks ago she unveiled a “new look” — a common right-of-passage when starlets move from their teen, girl-next-door vibe into a vampy, more overtly sexual pose. Kylie Minogue did this in the late 1980’s, Taylor Swift did it in the 2010’s. It’s always an opportunity for the culture to respond with gasps and think pieces on youth culture.

Billie’s play for a more mature look was showcased in Vogue Magazine, and the change was in fact startling. Last year at the Grammy’s her outfit made her look like the Joker’s fat mom (and true to her “I hate fame” pose she apologised for winning. Eye roll.) This year, in Vogue, she looked like a 1950’s pin-up — sophisticated and beautiful and blonde and busty. 

The move was widely interpreted as Billie is all grown up now, with a lot of “good for her” and “be yourself” platitudes. Her new album drew accolades for the song “Your Power,” which makes pointed references to a predatory older man in a relationship with a younger woman. This narrative, of course, dovetails nicely with the story arc of a young girl claiming her womanhood and confidently stepping out into the world, to be seen. Creepy old men be damned!

Up until this point in Billie Eilish’s career she dressed in baggy, shapeless clothes that drew attention in our age of rubber leotards and robot-stripper chic. It was a deliberate choice designed to obscure her body: "I never want the world to know everything about me. I mean, that’s why I wear big baggy clothes: Nobody can have an opinion, because they haven’t seen what’s underneath, you know?"

Good point, and a smart way to stand out from all the bobble-head dolls strutting around with their ass cheeks on display. Surely I should be commending this young woman for making up her own mind and not going with the extreme sexualisation of mainstream pop? 

One take I saw on social media pointed out the fact that when Billie dressed in baggy clothes, displaying no flesh at all, she was “an actual child.” 

“She hid her body for years because she didn’t want to be sexualised. She made this decision when she was a CHILD. Because she knew what grownups can be like. These decisions are ones we have all made — ‘school skirts mustn’t be too short or else they’ll distract the boys!!’ She went to those lengths because she had to. But this society — this perverted, fucked up place, couldn’t let that be and they hounded her…”

These points were made by a self-proclaimed “raging” Instagram feminist with almost 200,000 followers and lots of photos of herself in knickers and bikinis. And of course her post defending the “child” Billie garnered more than 650,000 likes and nearly 4,000 comments, all of which seemed to be of the 👏❤️💪🏼🥰 variety.

Which would all be fine, except for one thing. Billie’s most famous piece of work to date is her mega hit “Bad Guy,” released when she was 17 years old. So legally speaking, yes, a child. But the song shares absolutely nothing with the bubble-gum pop tradition of Taylor Swift, Christina Aguilera, Tiffany, etc. “Bad Guy” and its accompanying video, were dark, creepy and exceptionally age-inappropriate.

I encountered “Bad Guy” through my son, who was about 10 when it came out. We listen to music in the car, and he played it for me as it was all the rage with kids his age. The hook was super catchy, Billie’s vocals are great, and I really liked it.

Until I noticed the lyrics. (The video is also incredibly dark.)

“White shirt now red, my bloody nose

Sleepin', you're on your tippy toes

Creepin' around like no one knows

Think you're so criminal

Bruises on both my knees for you

Don't say thank you or please

So you're a tough guy

Like it really rough guy

Just can't get enough guy

Chest always so puffed guy

I'm that bad type

Make your mama sad type

Make your girlfriend mad tight

Might seduce your dad type

I'm the bad guy, duh

I like it when you take control

Even if you know that you don't

Own me, I'll let you play the role

I'll be your animal”

Um, what now? Does this sound like a child to you? 

Does Billie Eilish deserve to be shamed for her clothing choices? No. Does she seem like a healthy, well-rounded person to whom small children should be exposed?  Also no.

We are living in a strange time. A time when young women are simultaneously more sexually empowered, forward and explicit in the mainstream culture than any time in human history; when younger and younger children are taught in schools about sexual acts, and when sexual permissiveness has reached a zenith. And yet. The young women who are pushing these boundaries, displaying themselves to widespread praise and “you go girls” are also somehow victims of sex. Pop culture right now feels like an orgy, yet the women (who lets face it, hold most of the cards in the game of sexual politics) who are enthusiastically participating are also somehow being exploited and victimised by it? Can you be raped at an orgy?

So which one is it, ladies? Are you victims? Or are you badass bitches celebrating underage girls seducing older men and having cum in your hair at your graduation? 

Pick a lane. You can’t pretend that your sex has the same super sacred value now, when you throw it around the place, as it did back when virginity was something that was prized and pregnancy was something truly dangerous. 

A large swathe of women seem to want it both ways: they want to act according to their desires. Which is great! Go for it! But many women also want to bitch and moan about how those desires provoke desire in others. While also having zero concern about publicly airing their most intimate moments. This is adolescent level confusion carried on into adulthood and immortalised on social media posts.

Sexual crime existed long before sexual permissiveness, dressing conservatively does not keep women and girls safe from predators. But so much of the harassment and unwanted sexual attention that young women routinely face passes away with time. And, by the way, sexual harassment and violence is also experienced by young men, who are also targeted by lecherous older people of both sexes. I don’t see many male Insta influencers prancing around in underwear complaining about it.

While I focus on women and girls here, I do understand that men and boys are far from blameless in this dismal sexual culture. But they are secondary. When it comes to heterosexual relationships, women are the source. We control the tap. So it is up to us to use wisely. And judging from mainstream culture and the alarming levels of public angst and evident unhappiness amongst us, we are not doing that. 

It’s time to face the fact that total sexual freedom has not been a net positive. And trust me, I’m as surprised by this as anyone. I grew up in a family that was extremely sex-positive and my childhood was full of emancipated female role models and non-traditional relationships. Yet when I look at the sexual mores of contemporary culture, all I see is emotional carnage and devastation. And the people being hurt the most are children, because they are the ones faced with the impossible task of maturing while the supposed adults around them have no clue.